Ode to 2010: Post 2 of 12

Lesson #1: Love

"Love....so many people use your name in vain...." -Musiq

Sigh….. love…. I guess I had to get this section out of the way early so I would just get it all out of my psyche. I remember watching Dave Chappelle numerous times and my favorite episode was when Rick James said, “Cocaine is a hell of a drug.” Well, I am here to add to that list, love is a hell of a drug. Lol.

While I am one of those quintessential dreamers when it comes to love and the pursuit of happiness, I always try to remain somewhat realistic. I have dream boards that date back to the 80’s. I have always had this image of a knight in shining armor to rescue me from my reality and woo me away to our own little world. Every man I meet I’m like, “Ok…is this it God? Show me a sign! What’s next?” (Always doing waaaaaaay too much… lol)

Love is a tricky thing. While someone is ready to love, they have to be ready to love you. I have learned that love is not a forced emotion; it is one that comes effortlessly. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t have the capacity to love you. While I know an individual has the capacity to love, they may not be capable of loving me in the capacity in which I need them to. This thought gives me the comfort that I need to move from situation to situation. I take each love, like, and lust as lessons, some more or less intense as the next. More importantly, I hold on to the lesson, but not the person. This is essential to protect my total being and who I’m destined to be. You can’t allow a situation to redefine all that God has created you to be. Sure, you are supposed to be a little different from each experience because you have garnered a new level of understanding and a new way of thinking, but never are you to change who God intended for you to be. After every tear dried, I realized that when I looked in the mirror, I saw the same aura of greatness. With tear filled eyes, I used to ask God why, how, when, where, what, and He merely said, “Soon”. With that, I love forward in pursuit of Him and I know somewhere along the way I will find what I’m looking for in life and I will be found for someone who has been searching for me all of his.

This year, I have met and dated some incredible men. While most of them were out of town, I have been so blessed to meet such incredible human beings. No matter how the situations ended up, I thank God for the glimpse of my final product. I didn’t think a man existed that could laugh at the same silly jokes, loved the same soul stirring music, loved his family to the end of the earth, knew what I was saying when all I was doing was crying, and could give strength merely through a touch. Yeah, this man is actually real. Why am I not with him right now you ask? Well, because out of all that greatness, I know that he is not who God wants me to be with forever. But I do know that he was everything I needed at that very moment in life. I get tears when I think about the genuine spirit of this man. He flew down to be with me in one of the hardest moments in my entire life. I will love him forever for that. He knows who he is.

When I let him go, I met an incredible man on my same journey to be all that God wants me to be. While it seemed to fit like a perfect puzzle, it still didn’t flow seamlessly. I am not ruling it out, but I am not willing to lose my mind about it. At the end of the day I am me and no one else can be. The same goes for every individual. While we are all great alone, we are magnificent when we are partnered with who God has destined for us. My perspective is that if God can send me one wonderful man after the next, surely the next can be just a magnificent. I have retired from mind reading and second guessing. When God shows or tells me something I move in that direction, and that direction only. This is sometimes hard to decipher from my female intuition and silly insecurities, but I have to constantly be in prayer.

I am very candid about my accounts because I want people to know that every situation and person is meant to push us closer to our final product. Sure I want to hold on to the “one” I thought was my ideal mate, but for whatever reason, it didn’t work. When things don’t work or find a way to fizzle out, I leave it alone. I cry about it, get mad about it, scream about it, but have to move on. If I have learned nothing more this year, I have learned not to stay in one place for too long. This is essential when loving. Love is such an encompassing emotion it can derail your course to excellence if you don’t move in wisdom. You have to be careful who you love and how you love. You can love with your total being and realized that you a) have nothing left for yourself and b) you are giving away more love than they are even willing to give back to you. Even through my disappointments in love, I have decided that I’m going to release it all into the atmosphere. If it’s meant, then it’s meant. I used to hate that saying because I felt like it was a lazy way to view what you know you want. God showed me that it is essential to let go of what you THINK you want so you can ultimately get what is promised. Don’t get me wrong, I dream and have preferences, but I am still open to what God has. I have to be open in order to make it to my final destination.

Still loving freely,

~Mel

Silence is not good bye forever....

Lately I have been quiet y'all and I'm sorry. It has just been one of those months, well...years. Now, I have had my share of ups and downs in relationships, but God has shown me once again that I can never get too comfortable. In everything, always expect the unexpected and stay prepared. God is always allowing curve balls. Good thing I am well equipped for the ride.

Recently, someone close to me decided that he needed a moment of silence to hear from God for a while. *sigh* This has been tough for me. Very. But how can I argue with that? He became my refuge from all the craziness in my world. In my quest to make us work, I never considered that it might be a little overwhelming because he is on his own journey. Is it just me or is this "silence" thing enough to derail your whole train of thought? lol. A much as I love to talk, not talking (as much) has been tough. Silence is merely an interruption of regularly scheduled communication. Not good bye forever..... I guess...

Throughout my relationships and life, I have developed the mindset that, 'what is meant will happen and everything that doesn't come together, just wasn't meant'. You simply can not make love happen where it wasn't meant. It's like planting a tree in soil that's not equipped for its growth.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires-Song of Solomon 2:7

Man, Love is a funny thing. Easy to say, harder to show. The moment it leaves your lips, you're immediately held doubly accountable for your actions. Have you ever said, "well if you love me then...." Yeah, I have to. Really, if its truly love, there's no need for 'if ,then' statements. Actions should speak loud enough for you. If you love someone, you have to love them enough to help them grow, even if that means getting out of the way.

I have gone through points in my relationships where I had nothing to say. Not that I wasn't happy, but I felt like we were taking a trip with no destination. If we were going to pursue it any further, it had to be marriage or just 'homies'. Nothing in between. And then... there is that gray area where you just don't know what's next.... that's where God is REALLY in control.

I think a lot of my girlfriends and I are experiencing the same things right now. Men that seem ideal for our 'forevers', but there seems to be one thing. We often find ourselves questioning whether 'this is it' or if God wants us to go the other way. I've talked to a few friends in general terms and they say the same things. Out of no where, their loved one took a sabbatical from there routine. That particular lapse in normalcy really derailed their emotions and they felt lost, without explanation, not sure about what to do next. I have learned that with love, it doesn't have to be complicated. Either you're in it for the long haul, or it will end as quickly as it started.

It's ok to be invisible to others as long as the one you love sees you. (GOD)

I recently found myself in a situation where the person I cared for deeply started to pull away. I found every reason why it was my fault. I really couldn't figure out what I did. I cried so many times to Eric Benet's "Sometimes I cry" that I cant even play it without my mascara ending up in my lap. I pleaded with God to reveal what was going on. The only reply God sent was to "let it go".... You know those were fighting words for me... lol.. As hard as I fought to make this "right", God told me to let it go. I just couldn't come to grips to what God was saying. But as time progressed, God showed me it takes greater power to let something go than it does to hold on to it. It has nothing to do with settling, it has everything to do with having faith. If something belongs to you, it belongs to you.

The moment I didn't have any answers, I began to search for them... in the Word. -HOLD ON A MINUTE- You see, it was all by design. God wanted me to take a break from wanting that to work to refocus on what He wanted for me. Now, I am not ruling out this man as my mate, but that's irrelevant in the grander scheme of things. God's plan for me reigns supreme. Whether he or whoever is standing next to me. My purpose in life still remains. God wants me to see if I can trust him to send me another just as great or to make him greater for me. True indeed, I feel like we were carved for one another, but I cant waste these moments in trying to figure that out. If he's mine, he will return. No other woman will quite fit the bill if I'm made just for him.

About a month ago I went to my college homecoming. Let me just say that while I consider myself saved and filled with the holy ghost, it is something about being back on that campus that wakes up every carnal fiber I have left... (which I could of sworn was all gone). Well anyway, my infamous ex was there, along with a slew of other past loves and potential "buddies". It took EVERYTHING in me to remain saved. Now before I left home for homecoming, I prayed for strength to make my current relationship work. While it is long distance, I have never thought of being with anyone else. I am(was) determined to make it work no matter what. I am not, nor have I ever been, a cheater, so I wasn't going to make this weekend an exception. Of course, I was rocking my cheetah print and was feeling "some type of way". I guess that animal print gave off the "hot and ready" signal or maybe it was my soup coolers piled with ruby red lipstick. Who knows? But anyway... my ex.. hmmmmm... let's just say he wasn't acting like he was with anyone. I laughed it up for a minute, but I knew nothing would come of it. I mean, he chose her and not me, what would I look like? As the weekend progressed, every time one of my potential flings tried to hit me up, my phone shut off or the battery died instantly. It was the craziest thing ever. I was like, "what is going on"... I could do nothing but laugh because I knew it was nothing but God. I had no intentions of slipping away with anyone, but the fact that the opportunity never transpired was even more of a miracle. Of course, I checked in every few hours with the boo to let him know I was being a good girl.. he was proud, so was I. I came back from homecoming just as "good" as when I left. And then....the plot thickens....

I get back from homecoming thinking everything was perfect when I was hit with a 180 degree turn around . Here I was thinking there was going to be some golden surprise for being a good girl during a hedonism weekend filled with wanton desires. I wasn't. Out of nowhere, it felt like everything we were working towards was in vain. It all changed. He got really quiet with no explanation and I had no earthly explanation for it . Of course, I was left thinking a million different things. I ran back to my first love ... the Word. I knew I wouldn't go wrong falling back in love with tried and true promises. The moment he stopped talking, God's voice began to resonate louder than ever before. I began to have these wild and vivid dreams. I began to foresee things that were to come. I began to speak things into existence more than ever before. I realized that his moment of silence might have been ordained by God. It was like I was cheating on God and He was no longer having it. If it meant taking my honey away for a brief period, then so be it . I was left to wonder why God wouldn't just let me have both. When will the balance between the 2 be enough? That's an answer that I am still on the quest to find.

So now what am I doing in the meantime? Becoming a better version of who I already am. I think this year has been so tumultuous emotionally that I need a break to decide what's important. After being the backbone for everyone, encouraging people even in the midst of my own storm, waking up every morning to give someone a fresh word, I need a few moments of silence. I've always been the type of person who used love as an escape from reality. A place where I could hide. But when the covers are drawn on that whimsical hiding place, I am once again faced with the reality that if I don't deal with the things I've run from, I will eventually end up running in circles. Right back where I started.

During these past few weeks of depth self discovery, I have realized that God isn't finished with me yet, if fact, He's just getting started. Every miracle that has been performed this year has shown me that God merely wants me to seek Him daily. As a result of my life's twists and turns, I have had no other choice. One of the best things that has happened to me was an ignored phone call/email/message. God was telling me that the only person that had the answers I was seeking was HIM. I could scour the earth and come up empty every time until I realized that God is the way, the truth, and the light.

As a lover of love and all things related, I think it's worth the wait. No matter the battle struggle, or war. Love is worth it. God has a love for each and everyone of us that trumps any love we can find on earth. He gives us an extra treat by allowing us to find our soul mates. In the event that you haven't been as so fortunate, don't lose hope, it does exist. The moment you stop believing, is the moment that you stop attracting it. It's out there. Listen, if I can hold my head up and keep believing, surely you can. I know that my purpose is in line with my significant other, so I can't play any games when it comes to who I bond with. If I have waited this long for the "right" person, it's no use in half stepping, and you shouldn't either.

Don't take offense to silence, it might be the best thing to have ever happened to your love. Only time will tell.....

~Mel

It's Not Always What It Seems

The other night one of my girlfriends and I were discussing relationships and how men communicate. You know that conversation was 2 words long, 'They don't'. (Lol) Well they do, it's just how they deem necessary. Men have their own way of doing things and we just have to be willing to learn them. ( And who has time for allllllllll of that? lol) Many times we think their actions are revealing or saying one message and in actuality, it's a total different one. Sometimes you just have to wait it out. It really isn't always what it seems.

Don't you hate when you don't get an immediate call/text back from your significant other? ( I'm still pissy about a particular situation, but whatever.. lol) If you're like me, you always have your phone glued to your hand and you assume they do too. So when minutes lapse in response time my mind goes to work. I'm like, 'I know this fool sees my text, where is he at'. Meanwhile, when he finally responds he's like, ' babe, I was on the other line organizing a trip to Africa to save lives'. (Ok, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but you get it right? Lol). While I'm sitting by the phone with smoke coming out of my head like a cartoon character he is looking at the phone like, 'oh, I will hit her back later, she will understand'. Men are so funny when it comes to that though. Let me leave my phone in the car and have a few hours lapse between text messages. Honey, there will be a swat team surrounding my car because he reported me as missing. Lol. They cannot take their own treatment at all.

I think the interesting thing about being distinctly a woman and a man is our art of communication. We each have our own unique way of communicating issues. For instance, if I'm having a horrible day I will call and talk your ear off about it. Meanwhile, a man could be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and merely say, 'I'm ok babe, just tired, got a lot going on. I will be fine. I promise'. Many times we are saying the same things but in different languages. So while I am pouring my heart out trying to express my need to be supported, he's essentially saying the same thing by saying absolutely nothing. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but some men operate that way. They just choose to operate in silence until they can determine their next move. No, it doesn't mean he's talking to someone else, it might just mean that he needs to be in a place of silence. He knows you love him and want to help him, but the best help you can offer sometimes can be found in silence. Men sometimes want you to keep the perception that they are superman, that they rarely lose control. The moment they feel that control slipping, an internal panic alert goes off and their minds completely go into overdrive. The last thing they need to do is answer a million questions from you. They don't even know the answer to the questions themselves. It's not you, it's them, don't let your mind start running rampant. (Clearly this entire paragraph is for ME. I am the queen of 21 questions. Had to learn the hard way though o_O ..lol )

As women, our worst enemy can be our imagination. We text him, he doesn't text back, we automatically play the 'assuming game'. We think just because we send a 6part text and he sends back 'ok' that he's just not into us or that he is dismissing our concerns. Many times a man has a million things running through his head and he's just trying to keep it all together. Men don't always want to show that they feel like they are losing control. They want us to be secure in the fact they are simply 'THE MAN'. But of course, we like to know all the details so we pry and pry until we think we are getting the answers we want.

Honestly, the best way to deal with communicating with a man is to listen to him when he talks. Every man has their own unique way of processing stress and dealing with conflict. Just because there is a 10min lapse between texts or a missed phone call or 2 doesn't mean your relationship is in the red. He might actually be doing something that requires more of him at the moment. I know it's hard to believe that something is more important than the texts you've sent him saying, "Babe, are you watching Oprah", or "Did you see CSI, wasn't that crazy?" or "Wait, your favorite color is blue right?". *side eye* Calm down, don't get pissed from a simple unanswered text. It might not be what you think. Just wait before you unleash the dragon. ( I currently have one more latch on the cage of my own personal dragon, pray for me...lol)

All in all...its important to love a man through his growing pains. The grander scheme of things is for you to learn more about yourself. You should walk away from every relationship with a newer understand of who you are. Whether he is your 'forever' or your 'for right now', you must allow life to takes it course and enjoy the ride. Stop stressing over what you can't control and spend time on building something solid. Truth to the matter is, if its meant, its meant. Nothing can change that. God has a way of revealing things to you. Don't disguise insecurity with 'women's intuition. God doesn't operate in confusion and wants the best for each of us.

So relax, and let love have it's way. Stop looking at the clock and the other people around you. Things will happen as they are supposed to. It's obvious that God has it all under control anyway. :O)

Looking at things for what they are and not what they seem...

~Mel

You're Only Human....

Lately I've been bumping the song 'I'm only human' by Zo and it truly touches my soul. It talks of a relationship that is not perfect, filled with ups an downs, but they love each other in spite of. That song really speaks to me. It makes me realize that no matter how great my relationship is, its never going to be perfect. I kind of okay with that.



Just this past weekend I went to visit my "guy" and his family and I had such a wonderful time. Seeing someone in their natural element is truly insightful. You get to see who they really, really are. I had a chance to spend time with his mom, who has such a genuine heart towards God. Of course she told me about him, but the one thing that stood out was her saying 'He's not perfect, but he's great'. That stuck with me. He's willing and ready for God to use him. That's just what I need. When someone is 'perfect' it means there is no work left to be done right? There's no error, no room for growth, no variation. Just perfect. Who wants that? Lol.



In relationships we have to strive towards excellence and completion, not necessarily perfection. The reason God brings certain people in our lives is to simply help us become better. I think about the men that have come in my life and what I've taken away from each relationship, good and bad, and I can see what God was (and still is) doing. In my relationship now, its easy, no pressure. I let him have his space when he needs it and I push him when necessary. He does the same for me. Never overdoing anything or trying too hard. I guess because we possess the same goal of being "happy", we are done with forcing things. Coming from the relationships we've come from, it feels good to just be who we are. And that is just perfect for us.



When your goal is to be closer to God, all other things fall in line. You have to make a conscious decision to love someone in spite of. Whether they text you back immediately or always take your call. Whether they remember every little detail or know exactly what to say. You have to love a person for their soul and whole they truly are, flaws and all.



I aspire to experience the kind of love that is in constant pursuit of euphoria. When I say euphoria, I mean a place that is filled with balance, happiness, understanding and a sense of completion. A love that shatters common definitions of love. One that is tailor made for he and I. That's all I am concerned about. What works for us. That's the thing when you are 'human', you can be just who you are. God will send you someone that 'gets you' and understands your purpose.



In the past I have been guilty of being jealous, petty, easily angered, all that not so good stuff. I'm over that. I refuse to allow the enemy to rob me of what God has blessed me and who He has brought into my life. I am not going to let the past dictate my future and occupy my present. That's operating in confusion and honey, who has time or energy for that? lol



So in efforts to celebrate my ability to be human, I am not going to hold back. I'm going to live life to the fullest and give my all every chance I get. In the process, I might just fall madly in love. If not, at least I can say I tried my best. With him, I'm not going to stress it, push too hard, or make him move any faster. I will love him with an Agape love and perhaps it will transform into that good ol' Eros loving. Until then, I will keep being human.



Humanly loving all that I've been given,



~Mel

Don't Stop Dreaming.....

Well, I guess you all want to know what have I been up to huh? Well, if I had all day I would be able to tell you. lol. Buuuuuuuuuuuut, since I don't I will bring you up to speed for the most part. Since leaving my other "job" I have constantly been asking God, "What is it that you saw me doing"? Each time, God tells me its already before me. Everything I need in life, I already possess. So I keep pressing forward each day finding inspiration in the smallest things and find my way closer to what I think God wants me to be doing. In the midst of my journey I have been writing and just doing me. Somewhere along the way the right person was reading and it lead me on a journey that has simply made my heart overflow.

When my father first became ill, I felt like the world around me was crumbling, I simply didn't know how we were going to sustain a loss of someone so substantial. It was the most frightening journey that I have ever taken. Being the oldest of 3 girls, I was my dad's best friend. He was my confidant. He and I used to talk about everything. When he died, I didn't know how to put my words together like I used to. I am not an extremely verbal person when it comes to my most inner thoughts and feelings, so I took to writing. Whether it was an inspirational tweet, a riveting quote on facebook, or a thought provoking blog post, I found a way to get it all out. All while I was writing I was not only being healed, but I was ministering to a man 600 miles away. He too was on a quest to get closer to who God wanted him to be and my words soothed his journeying soul. Somehow along the way, our souls began to speak to one another. Our worlds collided one day in Atlanta and have been inseparable ever since. I, like Ruth, was found in the midst of doing what God asked, and have been blessed as a result.

I didn't write this post to be all lovey-dovey, although that's where I am right now.. lol. I am writing this to encourage you to keep dreaming. Never let go of your conception of happiness or what you think you deserve. You see, I have always had this "idea" of what I wanted in a man or what I thought he should look like and people always told me to snap out of it and be realistic in my approach. I never argued with them. I always went to God in prayer about the man I was to end up with. I prayed for a man that loved God, treated his mother right, respected & emulated his father, loved his siblings, had a solid career, an entrepreneurial mind set, a heart for the community, a great dresser, a smile that melts my soul, eyes that told me it would be ok, and a level of passion that matched mine. Not that unrealistic right? Right.. lol.. I continued to hope for this man that seemed like a figment of my imagination knowing someday I would encounter such a being. I knew that if I prayed enough and stayed on the right path, I would run eventually run into him.

I am here to tell you that my dreams are my right now. I crossed paths with my "him" and I have been so blessed. I have never met a man kinder, more hopeful for the future, more resilient, more open, more internally sound. This man has renewed my hope on so many levels that words cannot fully encompass that which I am experiencing. I am not one to reveal all that I truly feel but I would be remiss if I did not write an ode to the man who has helped me dream again. I have always been whimsical in my thoughts and aspirations for the future, but never would I have imagined he would find me miles and miles away. Believe me, we are not perfect, nor are our circumstances, but he has renewed my belief in finding a genuine soul. The more I get to know him, the more I am sure. Meeting his family, learning his history, understanding his past, makes me all that more aware that God is able to do just what he promised to do.

I think more than anything, I know that when I dream, I must be specific. I have to know what to look for when it finds me. The funny thing about God is that while He answers our prayers, He will still make sure our "answer" is saturated in purpose and with pure intentions. No matter what we think may be right for us, God always tailor makes our breakthrough. I am confident in knowing that is what He has given me in him.

It's almost indescribable. Its like believing in a rainbow and you finally see one up close and in person. You are merely speechless. Not only is the rainbow remarkable, but the fact that your belief has not been in vain. It's funny how the enemy makes you think you're crazy for holding on to what God promised. Like you are a fool for believing that you will someday get what you deserve. I am here to tell you that you need not stop believing. Hold on to what you want and to what God said he would do.

I don't know what road he and I will take in the future or what is in store, but I know what my heart feels....full. To know that God has me in the palm of His hands in the midst of my life's storm is the greatest feeling in the world. During one of the worst times in my life, God was able to send me a tailor made man for my circumstances and my journey. Don't get me wrong, I am not making this man to be a super hero, because those certainly aren't my intentions. I know he's not perfect and that things won't always be rosey. I just know that God has blessed me immensely by sending this man in my life. I will do everything in my power to be a blessing to him as he has been to me. Words cannot express the way he has transformed my belief. For that, I am forever grateful.

I leave you with this, "If you stop believing, who will you be disconnecting from? Whose life will you be altering? What part of the universe will lack because you have chosen to give up? What soul will be empty without you?" You can be the missing link to some one's greatness. All it takes is a moment to change some one's life. Some of us will be so fortunate to find someone to make us whole for a lifetime. God can do it, just keep believing.

Loving every minute of this dream because it's now my reality,

~Mel

They Miss You When You're Gone....

So last night, like the rest of America, I was sitting around waiting to see where LeBron James was going. Being the educated sports aficionado I am (yeah right...lol), I had done my research and heard it was pretty much a done deal for him to go to Miami. But, I still tuned in and participated in the hype with the rest of country. Within moments he made one city overjoyed with hope, love, and anticipation, while his hometown yelled in outraged, burned his jerseys and cursed him out. I was like, "WOW, the man gave y'all 7 years, wasn't that enough?". He had gained an instant group of fans and haters all within one statement, "I'm going with The Miami Heat".

Isn't that just like in relationships or on a job where you are ready to take it to the next level? Where you want something more? Where you are simply not content? You give a man years and years of your life, only to end up fruitless and hopeless. Or on a job where you give all of your talent and hard work, only for them to give your promotion to someone else. The moment you threaten to leave, they start to scramble to find ways to keep you. Like the thought of you being with someone else or another company makes them sick. I find it hilarious.

When I look back over my past relationships (one in particular), I think about the things I endured and the issues I looked over, I was so unfulfilled. At one point, I decided to walk away. When I tell you the flowers came flooding in, dinners were cooked, calls wouldn't stop. As soon as he thought he couldn't have me anymore, he got sick. We played this game for a few years. Through other relationships, we always seemed to have some sort of tie. Through phone number changes, city changes, job changes, we always found ways to stay connected. The moment I said I was no longer interested in having any contact, he was not happy. Over time, he began to see what an asset I was to his life, but it was too late. I saw way too many other offers out there. I was hot stuff! lol. A lot like Cleveland and LeBron James. Now that he is gone, his importance is far more realized.

The funny thing about moving on is that you are able to explore other options and further define who you are. When you look back at where you began, you begin to understand why God allowed certain things and why He has ended others. Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships or jobs where we are not appreciated and are often taken for granted. We know we deserve better, but don't take the steps to find something better. I urge you today to be like LeBron, remember the good times, but don't be afraid to step out and make new ones with a new team. A new team could be a new city, a new job, a new life, a new relationship, you name it. You deserve to be treated at your worth.

Sometimes is takes the right combination to bring out the best in you. It may take a major step of faith on your behalf. You cannot sit back and believe something will happen without actually moving in the direction of it. If you believe God is telling you to make a career change, don't busy yourself with all of the details, keep praying for the right connection and the rest will fall into place. If you believe God for that husband/wife, don't get caught up in what you experienced in the past or even small imperfections, trust God for the right person to be placed in your path. When you totally surrender to God, your past will be just that, a thing of the past. You will be driving away into your destiny, looking at all the "nay-sayers" in the rear view mirrors.

Be like LeBron, throw on your shades, suit up for the game called life, and be ready to give your all. They will miss you when you're gone, but imagine all the new things that are ahead. They can all be yours if you merely believe. You deserve it!

They miss me everyday as I keep walking further away....

-Mel

Battle of the Ex's: We're Not Close Anymore... Are We?

You see I have been on this relationship kick lately. lol. Clearly this has been the topic of discussion for me and many of my girl and guy friends.

Ok, this whole "ex" thing is driving me crazy. With the circle of friends that I am in and was in college, a lot of ex boyfriends and girlfriends have been thrown back into the pool of availability. I have recently, accidentally dipped into this pool. Totally oblivious to the "lineage" of the current boo and a chick I was once cool with in school.

WHO CARES?????? lol. I mean, are we REALLY obligated to never "talk" to each other's ex's when we haven't spoken in literally 5+ years? No right? I didn't think so. With all the use of twitter and facebook, people are acquainted that probably would not otherwise meet or speak. With that being said, people meet people that have no idea know people that are from someone's past.

This has literally happened to me twice. Like, recently. So I am now faced with having to not speak to some chick in my past. Not that we've spoken in the past 5 years, but still, in hopes of not seeming like a low-life, sneaky person, I have to have the uncomfortable conversation of, "Hey, I'm with your ex now, hope it's cool. Even it's not, I'm still kicking it with him. And yes, it's getting serious." I mean, do I owe them that? We were once cool, but haven't spoke in YEARS. Even with all these methods of staying in touch, we chose not to.

I guess I am posing this question (rhetorically) because it is happening to so many people I know (and me obviously...lol). We are able to portray parts of us online that may not have otherwise been noticeable in school or in passing. So now we have the opportunity to connect with people miles & miles away. I guess that's when technology becomes a blessing and a curse huh?

If you just so happen to fall for an ex of a former friend, do what you feel in your heart. Prayerfully it will work itself out. Well, the thing about it is, if God has it ordained for you to be with a certain person, it really doesn't matter how it happens or who it is. He has someone set aside for you. God does not operate in confusion, so all it requires is prayer and an adult conversation. There is never any need to stoop to the level of a person who is not able to handle things maturely.

Besides... all things are fair in love & war...

May the best woman end up with the best man......

-Mel

Don't Let Your Ex Mess Up Your Next

Mmmmm mmmmm...mmmmm... I'm shaking my head right now because I am in a heavy BlackBerry messenger conversation with my big (spiritual) sis. In true fashion of the enemy, I start the day off really excited and optimistic about life and then I get a text from her, "girl, have you seen the video?" I knew in my spirit it was my ex getting engaged. I just KNEW it. She was like, "yep... you want to see it?" I bit the bullet, told her to send the link and I watched it. *pulse racing.... eyes bulging* I watch it, then I'm good. Didn't feel the way I thought. I knew it was coming, just a matter of when.

Rewind about 10 years ago when I first met him where I just knew he would be the one. We dated officially a little more than a year and spent the rest dating others, but "loving" one another. In a true unhealthy fashion of course. We would still be with other people but always found a home in one another. Such a mess. I know. Nothing worst that carrying a torch for a love that has no desire to be lit. Whatever. Long story short, I watch a video today of him proposing to someone else. I had a complete out of body experience I swear I did. It was like I was watching a complete stranger. Like God had removed the intense emotions that I intended to exert. I showed the video to my BFF, mom, and lil sis, everyone was like, "are you ok?" YUP! I'm good. Lol..

My big sis was like, "girl we will pray for him". *record scraaaaaaaaaaaatch" No ma'am, I'm not praying for him. lol. In true big sis fashion, she urged me to be bigger than my emotions, bigger than the years I had thrown in the ring, bigger than the memories, the pain and hurt. Honey, that is a TALL order. Then she said, "don't let your ex mess up your next". #message! There it is. I had to get over that hump (again) and see that God was merely preparing me. (Yet again...)

God wants us to be big enough to let go of the past so we can grab hold on to the newness of the future. How can you carry something if both of your hands are full? How can your heart begin to cultivate new love if you insist on holding on to the old hurt and pain of a past love. The best way for a plant to grow is to cut it. About a month ago, our landscaper cut down 3 of our gorgeous hedges in front of the house. They weren't as green as they could be, but I thought they were fine. I came outside to give the (old) man some water and he was like, "yeah, had to cut your hedges there down." I was like, "Um, I didn't ask you to do that, why did you cut them down so low, they look like pom poms." He said, "oh don't worry about it, it was time. They will be back greener, stronger, and taller." You know I was rolling all types of eyes at him. lol. I was like yeah RIGHT! But honey, I'm a believer. Not only were they back in no time, they were even more beautiful than before.

The message here for you today is: IT'S TIME. It's time to let go and see what the future holds. Like the hedges, the love God has promised you will be greater than before. The love that has been set aside for you will be exactly what you need and desire. The love that you will experience will completely overshadow the past hurts and pains you had. You have to be willing to walk away from it all and start brand new.

As much as it makes me sick to write this, I have to pray that God blesses him in the future. Pray for my strength and transformation. As motivational and spiritual as I can be, THIS has derailed me time and time again. This one thing. I have to let it go and give it up. There is NO other way for me to be blessed. The reason I will get an immediate return on this particular prayer is because God knows the level of humility I had to exhibit. Now the Melissa that everyone knew waaaaaaaaay back when (last week...lol) would be less than sweet and go completely off, BUT since I'm expecting a major breakthrough, I can't afford anymore set backs. I just can't afford to do it. Not at this stage in the game.

So, in efforts to prepare for my next (who I know is reading this), I'm not allowing the past to overshadow my future. I know that the one that is promised for me will far exceed my expectations, but more than anything, be exactly what I need. I can't wait to tell you all the good news. Believe me... it wont be long

Moving from the ex to the next....

-Mel

*cue "On To The Next" by Jay-Z..... lol

Why Can't One Be Enough

The beautiful thing about marriage is the joy of taking a journey with ONE person that means the world to you. You've waited all your life this person, they are your everything, and you have found a home in them. Right? Well, that is what it was supposed to be, but it seems as though some people are not content with the "good thing" they have been given.

I met a nice guy out a few weeks back. We laughed, kicked it, had a blast. You know I checked that left hand to see a ring, there wasn't one. I was like, "heeeeeeeeeeeey boo..." lol. We stayed at the sports bar until the wee hours of the morning. Talked about everything from politics, religion, money, sports, and marriage. -pause- Marriage. Something in my spirit told me he was married, so I kept insisting that he tell me the truth, and YES, he was. I just about threw up on him. I was like, "if you're married, WHY are you out at a sports bar at 2 am kicking it with a table full of single ladies." He merely says, "Me and my wife have an understanding". Whhhhhhhhhhhhat? An understanding? When was that ever ok? He went on to say that they had an open marriage and that she was "cool" with him doing his thing because she did his. When did they get to the point where seeing other people was ok? When did he/she not become enough?

Those questions sadden me? As a woman dating with purpose, I know that eventually I will be married to my better half and it's scary to think a marriage could evolve to that. At what point does the conversation get stale? When does the fire go out? When does the laughter stop? When does the fun just dissipate? When does the desire dwindle? I mean, really? How is it okay for you to be in the process of asking someone to marry you and you lay on the phone for hours with your first love? I just don't quite comprehend why one would feel comfortable with still carrying a torch for one, while lighting the torch for another.

I guess I could ask 1,000 open ended questions all day and we would end up with a book written. When I took these concerns to my mom and some other married folk, the only response was, "work on you". BAM! #message! lol. That's it. Who cares what is ok in other marriages. You need only be concerned with one, your own. Look at the blueprint for being a wife (and seeking the right one) in the Word. The kind of wife I read about in Proverbs 31 is NOT an easy assignment, but a necessary one. The love that is boasted about in the bible is one that is all inclusive. Don't get me wrong, it's not supposed to be perfect, but purposed filled. Tailored to fit the needs of an individual. That's all I can look to, what MINE is supposed to be like with hopes to be a reflection to others that may need a better representation.

Don't marry for convenience, marry for purpose. Marry for love. Not for the moment. Marry because you can see yourself carrying out your destiny with your mate. Not for what may look good in wedding photos. Marry because you can see your children modeling their marriage after yours. Not because you think it's "time" or "because it's been forever". Don't feel pressured by society, by life, by age, or by circumstances. I have talked to so many younger married couples and they have literally begged and pleaded for me not to rush into marriage. I'm like, "I thought this was the ultimate goal?" And believe me, it is, but you have to make sure it is right.

I could go all day on this topic, you see it's heavy on my mind, but I won't. I have to be concerned with the assignments that I have been given and do the things that I have been called to do. In the meantime, he will be doing the same and then, we will meet somewhere in the middle. I know then, that we will be more than enough for one another. I'm sure of it.

More than enough, and then some.....

-Mel

Trust Me, He's a Better Man With Me

Sometimes we have to acknowledge that our ex's are different and maybe even be better with someone else. This is a sensitive subject for a lot of women, me included. Recently, my coward of an ex sent me the text, "I'm Engaged". And my whole world froze........ PAUSE.........

Why? Why would I care? Why would I hesitate? Why would I have an immediate attitude? Because I prepared him to be the man he is today? Or because I gave him a better part of my young adult heart? Or that she now has a better version of who he was? Yes, all of the above. But most imporantly, I didn't really want him like that anymore. I prayed and cried about that man so many times that God's phone went on mute as soon as He heard me utter his name. lol.

The sad thing is that we don't know how to let go and acknowledge that sometimes we are better with someone else. For instance, a man I met recently immediately saw the greatness in me and was asking my ring size, but he was recently in a long term relationship where he was contstantly arguing and not getting any closer to his purpose in life. Or in other relationships where one person drinks and the other is a little more of a casual drinker. The other person acts as a barometer for the one that is a party animal. They merely help mello them out. That same party animal can find a fellow party animal and operate in a chaotic relationship that is so far from what God wants from them. Sometimes different is a good thing.

You see, I know I am a stronger woman for this next man and I know how I need to be loved. My ex obviously didnt have the desire to do that. Notice I said desire, not ability. We each have the ability to be who we need to be for who we need to be it for. It's all about desire. When you want someone or something bad enough, you will do what needs to be done to make it work.

As I get closer to being with "him", I know what I want, what I need, and what I need to do. It's funny how I think about the woman I was with each of the men in my past and it's amazing how I've evoloved each time. In some of my memories, I don't even recognize myself. I was so far from purpose that I looked crazy... lol.. Thank God for mercy and grace. Surely they have followed me all the days of my life.

So, in preparing for a future with someone, let go who you once were and who you once were with. They were built to make someone better just as you were built to make someone else better. In life, it's all about growth. Become better and expect better. Believe me, it makes all the difference.

Moving farther from memories of him, closer to visions of me.....

-Mel

When A Man is Ready....

Lately I've been running into some really great catches. Men with great careers, great level of intellect, 401ks & savings, sharp dress codes, handsome faces, and a love for God that is undeniable. They all keep asking me, where are all the good women? That's baffling to me. All reports say that it's a 20:1 ratio for women to men (that may be a little exaggerated, forgive me). That can't be possible right? Maybe not.

When a man knows what he wants, he just knows. He's not willing to compromise, budge, or take anything less. The crazy thing is, they spend a substantial amount of time with one woman and after a while decide that she simply is "not the one". But they can turn around and meet a random woman and fall in love instantly. It's like they just know.

In the past few months I've made it my personal quest to pick the minds of great men. What they want, what they need, what their futures look like to them. All of them say the same thing, "they want the right woman at their side." Most of my guy friends may or may not come from a home with a father in it, but they ALL have come from a home with a mother in it. They have witnessed what a real woman should look like and they know what she should encompass. While they are not looking for a carbon copy of their mother, they all want their woman to have many of her same qualities.

As many women who are itching to be married, not all of them are taking the time to adequately prepare to become one. It's like they are so consumed with the ring, the ceremony, and the title, they neglect all the foundational elements. All of my girlfriends can cook, clean, iron, pray like elders in the church, know how to "put it down" behind closed doors, and know how to submit biblically. Then I meet other women and strike up casual conversations about life and the future. These other women rarely cook, go to church to just meet men, and drink like fish. They always end up saying, "Girl, I met a really nice guy, he's trying to wife me, but I am not going to slow down to fit his lame standards." Huh? Isn't that crazy?

It's funny, when a man is ready to settle down, it's a WRAP! Their whole lives begin to revolve around finding the right woman and doing it like they do in those old black and white movies. Sad thing is, they end up falling for women who on the surface want to be a wife, but internally want to be the quintessential single girl with a diamond ring. That just isn't going to work.

A man that is ready is READY! He's willing to go the extra mile. He's willing to do things that he ordinarily wouldn't do when he was casually dating. He wants everything he does in dating to prepare him for marriage. He tailors his whole lifestyle to reflect that of a man that is preparing for a family and a lifelong union.

As women, we must begin to act as though this man is on his way. Whether we are dating someone seriously or not, we need to behave as someone's "good thing". We can pray until our knees bleed, but if we do not begin to walk into the steps of a virtuous woman, we cannot be mad if this man has not found us. Trust me, there is a breed of men out there that know what they want and it might just be in you. If you are busy doing what God has asked of you, your man might just be in the wings watching you.

Every move you make today should be towards the woman that you aspire to be.

Walking upright in virtuous steps.....

- Mel

Tribute to Big Poppa

(I can't really write this post without falling out on the ground, so bear with me. )

I wanted to take a moment to say I miss my daddy. Not for all the reasons that people may think. Well, maybe so. Yes I miss him being my prayer partner, my Dave Chappel/ Paul Mooney partner, my Tiny & Toya watcher, my late night riding homie, my fried fish confidant, my voice of reason, my laughing partner, my smoothie partner, my tennis/basketball/gym/walk around the neighborhood partner, my man of God. I think what I miss the most is his spirit to press forward. His spirit of holding on. His spirit to see the good in people. His ability to see straight through to the heart of a man.

I miss that so much as I get closer to becoming someone's wife. Someone's virtuous woman. Someone's "good thang". Someone's mother. As I become all that God has destined me to be. I just wish he could of seen where I am. Even in the past 4 months, I have become someone totally different. Nowhere near the same. The strength that I possess, I don't even know where it came from (well, I know it's from God). The ability I have now to see things that are to come, I wish I could talk to him about. I just wish I could say 2 or 3 more things to him. Ask him a few more questions. Have like one more deep conversation and walk away with a wealth of knowledge.

I will never understand God's timing, His reasoning, His way of thinking, I can only ask for a way to press forward. I pray that I someday am thought of as much as daddy is.

I look back over the 27 years I had with him and I can do nothing but cry. Tears of laughter, memories, prayers, and breakthroughs. I have had some great times with dad. He confided in me like I was one of his homies. To never have him again feels like I've lost an organ. I miss him more than words can ever encompass. I pray that God heals this pain and allows me to still be a blessing to others.

It's crazy, as soon as dad passed, I received a tsunami of proposals and interest from men that I have never imagined. I pray daily for dad to send some sort of sign that he has approved the man I decide to settle down with. I think that's the biggest thing right now. Not ever having him walk me down the aisle or helping me write my vows. Goodness, I just have to pray now for the strength.

Through my veil of tears, I see daddy smiling and saying, "I'm proud of you baby girl, go out there and kill 'em".

And that's the plan... to do it just like he was standing right behind me cheering me on, instead he's above.

Pray for me y'all. Today is going to be rough. ( Yup, my face is covered in tears)

-Mitch's Girl

Just Go With It (Part 2)

Yeah, I've been ghost, so you know I have A LOT to say.... So recently I 've been in one of those "gray area" type of relationships where you're more than friends, but less than together. Its been great, but difficult because there is so much left out in the open, so many things that you really have no right to question, and areas that I don't particularly want to be open about. But, let me tell you the power of putting it ALL on the table.

Recently I was at my little sister's high school event and there were a few fraternity (that shall remain nameless..lol) members there that were cool. Of course the one that wants to be a pastor found his way to me and asked me out. I'm like, "Um, I'm kinda sorta seeing someone, sorry." He was like, "Is that your man? Are you all exclusive? Is he the one?" I really didn't even know how to answer that. I was like, you're right, dinner won't hurt. So we went out, he was cool, no big deal. On the ride home, I HAD to call the boo. I just could not act like it was all good and not tell him. Man, I called him to tell him everything and he was real cool about it. He was like, "Babe, I know you're loyal, it's cool. Do your thing." He even revealed his mindset on our whole situation.

You see, the moment I decided to "just go with it", things just even themselves out. Facing the music wasn't as bad as it seemed. I actually felt more liberated by the truth than by hiding it and running from the inevitable. Many times we allow the enemy to place things in our minds to distract us, to cast doubt, and to create internal confusion. It is all by design. The less stable we are, the less effective we are. It can start as something as small as second guessing yourself to doubting who you are to completely not knowing how to make the right decisions all together.

Don't let small things fester in your mind and take your eyes off set forth course....

Figuring out this course & staying on it....

-Mel

It's Too Soon....

Have you ever liked someone so quickly... that you questioned how you feel about him? Well..... I think I'm kinda there right now. As I'm sorting out these emotions, I had this song sent to me, and yeah, they truly personify all that I am experiencing....

Its Too Soon by Eric Roberson

Ooohh

Really can't explain girl the way I feel, nooo

All I know is all I want you to be near, yeahhh

I know that its due, but please be patient I'm learning you

and all I want is you too learn me too

(Chorus)So girl when I say (say)

say girl lets take our time( time)

Understand girl that I'm (that I'm)

I'm not offering game (game)

Hopefully girl in time (time)

how u and i deal with change (change)

Its soon too say i love u(3x)

I can say it too make your heart feel good, oooo

But its best that we are both understood

yeahhhh

Its important that I'm the same way for you right down the line

And that you see is what I want to shine

(Chorus)

So girl when I say (say)

say girl lets take our time( time)

Understand girl that I'm (that I'm)

I'm not offering game (game)

Hopefully girl in time (time)

how u and i deal with change (change)

Its soon too say i love u(3x)

Theres so much I want to sayyyy

so much I feel inside

I just want it to be right, so lets take our time

to hopefully forever

(Chorus 2x)So girl when I say (say)

say girl lets take our time( time)

Understand girl that I'm (that I'm)

I'm not offering game (game)

Hopefully girl in time (time)

how u and i deal with change (change)

Its soon too say i love u(3x)

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Pain is not to hurt, but to sustain.......

Well, how do I start this one off? I guess I will get right into it. I was talking to one of my guy friends about relationships and how our past "loves" have taken us through the emotional wringer. When I hung up the phone and got by myself I begin to think about all the attempts at love and all that the relationships that I just KNEW would lead to true bliss. But honey, I ended up being hurt just the same.

The interesting thing God began to show me was that that very pain acted as a cocoon for my heart. After sustaining my first heart break, God allowed my eyes to be opened to new perspectives, new understandings, and overall, a new me. God allowed me to grow through pain. I actually came out stronger. Even when I thought I would buckle and not be able to get back up and try it again, God rose me up to become a better woman.

He used my pain to sustain me. Now, when I say this, I mean that God allowed me to experience certain heartaches and disappointments to make me better. Think about it. After the dust cleared from that broken relationship, you came out a different person. Whether it as denying him that late night "come over", refusing his phone calls, not texting them back, refusing out of town trips, all of that. Once you gained the strength to deny them, you now then acquired a level of restraint that you once did not possess.

Its amazing how you have to cut things loose in order to grow. That is true with cultivating a plant, allowing your hair to grow, and even in downsizing a company. Letting go should not always be viewed as a major lost, but instead as an opportunity to reinvent yourself and to abound higher than before.

Again, looking back at where God has brought me from, I know that he has kept me. The pain that I may have experienced only set me up for an awesome future in love. Because I have become better, stronger, and wiser from the past, I will be ready for what God has in store for the next level in my life.

Loving through my pain and knowing I'm better from it,

~Mel

"To My Husband... I Love You"....

I just had to take a moment and deal with one Mrs. Carter thanking her husband and saying, "I Love You". This was like MONUMENTAL for her. And I am happy that she has found comfort in telling the world that she loves the love of her life.

I recently read a blog that talked about an interview Jay-Z had with a magazine where he discussed his marriage, very vaguely. He didn't go into detail, but he did mention that marriage wasn't perfect. I really appreciated that.

Many of us in and out of relationships have this unrealistic, fairy tale ideal of what marriage should be. While it is important to remain optimistic and want the best for your relationship, we really should know that it is OUR relationship and we determine the success and failure of it. No matter what people say or have said, what works for you, works for you.

I think it's vitally important to tell the people we love, that we love them when the cameras are rolling. When everyone is watching, we need to take the opportunity to honor those we love and let the world know how important they are to us. That person wont soon forget that moment. And all those cameras have a record of that love you shared. Even witnessing Bey say it last night did something for me.

So, I say all of this to say that love is a feeling that should be visualized and verbalized. Show me you love me and say it too!

Can't wait to say.... "To my husband, I love you....."

~Mel

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Fly Guy Spotlight: Eric Roberson

Well, let me tell you that I am true lover of soul music. I can't get enough of it. I can look back through my life and literally make a sound track for every moment. Right now, I cannot stop listening to "Dealing" by Eric Roberson and Lalah Hathaway. This song truly personifies what I am dealing with in this very moment. I will post the lyrics below as well as the video.

Here's a little background about Eric Roberson. He is currently nominated for a Grammy, tonight actually. He's from Rahway, NJ and is sometimes referred to simply as Erro. Attended Howard University, performed in a number of musicals and plays, landed a songwriting deal through the EMI label, and collaborated with Jill Scott, Vivian Green, Dwele, Will Downing, Musiq Soulchild, and DJ Jazzy Jefff.

I think what I truly love about Eric's music is the rawness. He captures true emotion in the way he writes and its reflected in his instrumentation. I am immediately transported to the place and time of the song. I love it. Its like a musical journey. Now, while his songs are spiritually arousing, he has some very sensual numbers as well. Especially in the song "Head to Toe". Man, this boy is trying to get all of us knocked up through iTunes. lol.

His albums are: The Esoteric Movement, The Vault, Vol 1, The Vault, Vol 1.5, The Appetizer, Left, and the most current, Music Fan First. <------- A must have! lol

Not really much else to say about Mr. Roberson except to go out and support him. He's a genuine artist and has impeccable writing skills. Oh, and he will be performing here in Atlanta on Feb. 13-14, for Joyce Littel's Valentine's event. It's going to be great! Lets see if I can come up with a lil' date for this one. lol

Enjoy :O)

"Dealing" with Lalah Hathaway

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Where do we go from here
What do I do with these feelings
Longing to have you near
Knowing...we shouldnt be dealing
Verse:
Why must the bad thing always feel so good
Why cant I just stay away
Though are situation was understood
Still does not mean its ok
{Chrous}
Where do we go from here
What do I do with these feelings
Longing to have you near
Knowing...we shouldnt be dealing
Verse:
Why cant these memories just be erased
Why must I yern for your kiss
The first moment we're not face to face
Reminds me how much your missed
{Chrous}
(where do we go)Where do we go from here
What do I do with these feelings
Longing to have you near
Knowing...we shouldnt be dealing
Brige;
When the morning comes
(When its time for us to go our separate ways )
When this night is done
(I'll be wanting to hold on to u)
Though the sun
wish we could push it all away
cause then I know
that we can show
what we have from the day
{Chrous}
Where do we go from here
What do I do with these feelings
Longing to have you near
Knowing...we shouldnt be dealing

"Head to Toe"

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L♥VE... definition please?

Ok, this is an area that we can all say we've experienced, searched for, been hurt and/or confused by, been deep in, or still trying to define. Personally, I have experienced a love that I still get chills from. It was liberating, intoxicating, and euphoric. It was one of the best times in my life. Key word, " WAS".. lol.. I let "we" become "me", and it was no longer. That was a few years ago....

One of the most profound things about God is that He is a jealous god. It is in His commandments, "thou shalt not have any other gods before me". In 1 John 5:2 we find "for this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous." He was very clear. But within that "gods", there can be soooooo many things placed in that category. It could be a job, a man, a relationship, your children, your hobby, your craft, your passion, etc. There is nothing that is supposed to come between you and God. I learned this the hard way and have come to know God in ways that I've never known. This Agape love is one that cannot be replaced or substituted by any other kind of love.

Biblically, the word "agape" is defined in Mark 12:30-31:"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this [is] the first commandment. And the second [is] like, [namely] this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. "

As I searched through the net, Love is defined as "a strong positive emotion of regard and affection, be enamored, have a great liking for." Those are some strong words. All for another person? Imagine if we loved ourselves just that much. If we took the time to pursue that intimate relationship with God that He wants us to, we really would be on track. I guess it always takes one of life's hiccups or setbacks to realize it, but all along, the love we desired could be found within.

One of my favorite scriptures is 1 Corinthians 13:4, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." That mere definition brings tears to my eyes. All of that can be found in love? Wow. That should be in all love. Love for your family. Your significant other. Your children. Your neighbor. Your friends.

Operating in love is one of the most powerful abilities that any human been can have. It is simply amazing. I was always so confused as to why my "love" fell apart or why we weren't walking together in that golden sunset that they show in fairy tales. lol. I went back and re-read the definition of love from the word, and it was clear. I lost focus. I wasn't operating in the love that we were commanded to do. I was jealous, boastful, self-seeking, angry, kept a record, all of that. All of the WRONG stuff. It was awful. My love changed because I changed my love. And God had to take me from that place.

I am essentially writing this as a form of purging and one of healing. Recently I was in a situation where I was the woman witnessing another woman fight for a love that was already hers. As women, we tend to want to get more "answers" and dig for more clues. The truth of the matter is, if that relationship is yours and of God, there is nothing or no one that can come against it. It is merely a matter of operating in the right love and trusting God. We all have to be held accountable for our actions and what we do.

The night before last, I was watching the Hope for Haiti Now telethon and one story really, really stuck out to me. *tears* There was this husband crying out in the street for his wife that was stuck in their house. He began to listen for her faint cries and begin to try to dig her out himself. He rallied some of the other survivors to get her out. For 6 days, he was searching for her in this rubble. By the 6th day, he had a full rescue crew assembled to help him pull her out. Low and behold, they sayw her hand and it was still moving. They told him to move back. He said, "No, that's my wife, and will wait for her." -pause-

Did you read that, "...I will wait for her." Those words sent chills down my spine and pierced my soul. That's the kind of love that God has for us. He will wait for us to get it together and love us just the same every single time. And as a bonus, God has a mate for us, on earth, that will love us with that same fervor. Don't settle for that mediocre love, settle for that, "..I will wait for you love."

Loving each and every day, in every way possible,

~Mel

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EX-Factor: Don't Fall for Counterfeits

Let me tell you, the dating scene in Atlanta is a trip. They can say what they want, but I swear I meet a "decent" man every day. I'm not overly impressed though. These men are impeccable on paper, but I just feel that "umph" when we finally meet up or talk on the phone.

While companionship is great, the ultimate goal is partnership.

I've come to notice as I get older, my lists of "must-haves" for men is getting shorter and shorter. I am no longer concerned with the menial things that in my younger days were top priority. As God prepares me to be the woman I am to be, I am noticing a change in my wants and my needs. God is beginning to change my sight all together. Last year, I met and "fell" for 2 guys that I really had no business even entertaining. Well, maybe on the surface. As I look in retrospect, neither of them were truly who God told me I was to be with, but I still allowed them to have me. (Not like that..lol) Now, I remember asking one of them about fasting and praying and he was like, "Man, I've never in my life done that. Why would I stop eating meat just to pray, that's dumb." You would've thought I'd run to the hills and never call him again. But no, I stayed right there boo'd up like he was the "one". When I tell you not only did God shut that down, but I have never spoken to him again.


The word counterfeit means," to forge: make a copy of with the intent to deceive." Now, doesn't that sound like a distraction? Something to get you off course or to mess you up? These counterfeits in our lives may seem like the real deal for a minute, but then they show their true colors and you have to find a way to pick up the pieces and move on.

Sometimes, God will allow us to encounter counterfeits, but he gives us the discretion to walk away. Being the God that he is, he allows us to endure the process and then politely steps in before we get too hurt. It's kind of how a mother allows a baby to fall once or twice as they learn to walk. Just enough to a little hurt to remember the pain, but not hurt to the point where we can't stand back up to walk again.

Going back to the EX's, I can't even believe I settled and allowed myself to be with these guys. Now, don't get me wrong. They were wonderful men on paper, had great jobs, great personalities, loved their mamas, college educated, made decent money, but their relationships with God did not match or supersede my own. They were so close to the real thing. Like those counterfeit designer purses. One step up from a knock-off, but still not the real thing. The kind where you can back $400 for, because it looks JUST like the real thing, instead of saving up $2000 for the real deal.

I know what it is. It like I'm hearing this imaginary clock ticking where I feel this is my "time" and I "have" to be settled at this point. But you can't rush anything to happen until is absolutely time for it. God just won't let me settle.

I'm not going to make just anybody my somebody.

God is so amazing. He's allowed me to make it to the point where I can now see that none of them compare to the man He has set aside for me. I get so full as I write this because I know my "him" is somewhere thinking about when he's going to meet me. Every time I give audience to a counterfeit, I take away from the valuable "good thing" that my future husband is to have. Don't get me wrong, it is hard to sit idle and wait on who God has intended for me, but I know it is for a purpose and it wont be long. I will have fun with my friends on the phone and pass time with, but I know the intended purpose for it all.

So sisters, as you patiently wait for your "Boaz" (if you don't know who that is, please study the story of Ruth and get blessed!), understand that you have a checklist that you need to be working on. Read Proverbs 31 and become the woman that God intends you to be. As you get closer to who that woman is, you will become closer to God and he will hand deliver you in the path of that "one".

Patiently waiting and fervently cleaning house....

~Mel