Thursday, June 24, 2010

Why Can't One Be Enough

The beautiful thing about marriage is the joy of taking a journey with ONE person that means the world to you. You've waited all your life this person, they are your everything, and you have found a home in them. Right? Well, that is what it was supposed to be, but it seems as though some people are not content with the "good thing" they have been given.

I met a nice guy out a few weeks back. We laughed, kicked it, had a blast. You know I checked that left hand to see a ring, there wasn't one. I was like, "heeeeeeeeeeeey boo..." lol. We stayed at the sports bar until the wee hours of the morning. Talked about everything from politics, religion, money, sports, and marriage. -pause- Marriage. Something in my spirit told me he was married, so I kept insisting that he tell me the truth, and YES, he was. I just about threw up on him. I was like, "if you're married, WHY are you out at a sports bar at 2 am kicking it with a table full of single ladies." He merely says, "Me and my wife have an understanding". Whhhhhhhhhhhhat? An understanding? When was that ever ok? He went on to say that they had an open marriage and that she was "cool" with him doing his thing because she did his. When did they get to the point where seeing other people was ok? When did he/she not become enough?

Those questions sadden me? As a woman dating with purpose, I know that eventually I will be married to my better half and it's scary to think a marriage could evolve to that. At what point does the conversation get stale? When does the fire go out? When does the laughter stop? When does the fun just dissipate? When does the desire dwindle? I mean, really? How is it okay for you to be in the process of asking someone to marry you and you lay on the phone for hours with your first love? I just don't quite comprehend why one would feel comfortable with still carrying a torch for one, while lighting the torch for another.

I guess I could ask 1,000 open ended questions all day and we would end up with a book written. When I took these concerns to my mom and some other married folk, the only response was, "work on you". BAM! #message! lol. That's it. Who cares what is ok in other marriages. You need only be concerned with one, your own. Look at the blueprint for being a wife (and seeking the right one) in the Word. The kind of wife I read about in Proverbs 31 is NOT an easy assignment, but a necessary one. The love that is boasted about in the bible is one that is all inclusive. Don't get me wrong, it's not supposed to be perfect, but purposed filled. Tailored to fit the needs of an individual. That's all I can look to, what MINE is supposed to be like with hopes to be a reflection to others that may need a better representation.

Don't marry for convenience, marry for purpose. Marry for love. Not for the moment. Marry because you can see yourself carrying out your destiny with your mate. Not for what may look good in wedding photos. Marry because you can see your children modeling their marriage after yours. Not because you think it's "time" or "because it's been forever". Don't feel pressured by society, by life, by age, or by circumstances. I have talked to so many younger married couples and they have literally begged and pleaded for me not to rush into marriage. I'm like, "I thought this was the ultimate goal?" And believe me, it is, but you have to make sure it is right.

I could go all day on this topic, you see it's heavy on my mind, but I won't. I have to be concerned with the assignments that I have been given and do the things that I have been called to do. In the meantime, he will be doing the same and then, we will meet somewhere in the middle. I know then, that we will be more than enough for one another. I'm sure of it.

More than enough, and then some.....



Bianca S. said...

this reminds me of the everlasting rumors of will and jada pinkett smith. everyone says they are swingers and also have an open relationship and that's why they're so happy. i thought it was crazy, too, but when i watched sex and the city2 i realized something different. Somethng that carrie said will always stick to me: every relationship has the right to make up their own rules. what may b wrong to us, is perfectly normal to others.

NC17 said...

It's a product of our culture, every thing is fast, instant, plentiful, and accessible in the 21st century. People don't like rules so the "OPEN MARRIAGE" was invented. Marriage has become a punchline, its something that people "know they have to do" yet don't really understand. The dream wedding has become stuffing to sell tv shows and over priced dresses. The Marriage itself is an after thought. The spark doesn't die unless you allow it.