Sunday, June 20, 2010

Tribute to Big Poppa

(I can't really write this post without falling out on the ground, so bear with me. )

I wanted to take a moment to say I miss my daddy. Not for all the reasons that people may think. Well, maybe so. Yes I miss him being my prayer partner, my Dave Chappel/ Paul Mooney partner, my Tiny & Toya watcher, my late night riding homie, my fried fish confidant, my voice of reason, my laughing partner, my smoothie partner, my tennis/basketball/gym/walk around the neighborhood partner, my man of God. I think what I miss the most is his spirit to press forward. His spirit of holding on. His spirit to see the good in people. His ability to see straight through to the heart of a man.

I miss that so much as I get closer to becoming someone's wife. Someone's virtuous woman. Someone's "good thang". Someone's mother. As I become all that God has destined me to be. I just wish he could of seen where I am. Even in the past 4 months, I have become someone totally different. Nowhere near the same. The strength that I possess, I don't even know where it came from (well, I know it's from God). The ability I have now to see things that are to come, I wish I could talk to him about. I just wish I could say 2 or 3 more things to him. Ask him a few more questions. Have like one more deep conversation and walk away with a wealth of knowledge.

I will never understand God's timing, His reasoning, His way of thinking, I can only ask for a way to press forward. I pray that I someday am thought of as much as daddy is.

I look back over the 27 years I had with him and I can do nothing but cry. Tears of laughter, memories, prayers, and breakthroughs. I have had some great times with dad. He confided in me like I was one of his homies. To never have him again feels like I've lost an organ. I miss him more than words can ever encompass. I pray that God heals this pain and allows me to still be a blessing to others.

It's crazy, as soon as dad passed, I received a tsunami of proposals and interest from men that I have never imagined. I pray daily for dad to send some sort of sign that he has approved the man I decide to settle down with. I think that's the biggest thing right now. Not ever having him walk me down the aisle or helping me write my vows. Goodness, I just have to pray now for the strength.

Through my veil of tears, I see daddy smiling and saying, "I'm proud of you baby girl, go out there and kill 'em".

And that's the plan... to do it just like he was standing right behind me cheering me on, instead he's above.

Pray for me y'all. Today is going to be rough. ( Yup, my face is covered in tears)

-Mitch's Girl

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