Thursday, October 7, 2010

It's Not Always What It Seems

The other night one of my girlfriends and I were discussing relationships and how men communicate. You know that conversation was 2 words long, 'They don't'. (Lol) Well they do, it's just how they deem necessary. Men have their own way of doing things and we just have to be willing to learn them. ( And who has time for allllllllll of that? lol) Many times we think their actions are revealing or saying one message and in actuality, it's a total different one. Sometimes you just have to wait it out. It really isn't always what it seems.

Don't you hate when you don't get an immediate call/text back from your significant other? ( I'm still pissy about a particular situation, but whatever.. lol) If you're like me, you always have your phone glued to your hand and you assume they do too. So when minutes lapse in response time my mind goes to work. I'm like, 'I know this fool sees my text, where is he at'. Meanwhile, when he finally responds he's like, ' babe, I was on the other line organizing a trip to Africa to save lives'. (Ok, maybe that's a little exaggerated, but you get it right? Lol). While I'm sitting by the phone with smoke coming out of my head like a cartoon character he is looking at the phone like, 'oh, I will hit her back later, she will understand'. Men are so funny when it comes to that though. Let me leave my phone in the car and have a few hours lapse between text messages. Honey, there will be a swat team surrounding my car because he reported me as missing. Lol. They cannot take their own treatment at all.

I think the interesting thing about being distinctly a woman and a man is our art of communication. We each have our own unique way of communicating issues. For instance, if I'm having a horrible day I will call and talk your ear off about it. Meanwhile, a man could be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and merely say, 'I'm ok babe, just tired, got a lot going on. I will be fine. I promise'. Many times we are saying the same things but in different languages. So while I am pouring my heart out trying to express my need to be supported, he's essentially saying the same thing by saying absolutely nothing. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, but some men operate that way. They just choose to operate in silence until they can determine their next move. No, it doesn't mean he's talking to someone else, it might just mean that he needs to be in a place of silence. He knows you love him and want to help him, but the best help you can offer sometimes can be found in silence. Men sometimes want you to keep the perception that they are superman, that they rarely lose control. The moment they feel that control slipping, an internal panic alert goes off and their minds completely go into overdrive. The last thing they need to do is answer a million questions from you. They don't even know the answer to the questions themselves. It's not you, it's them, don't let your mind start running rampant. (Clearly this entire paragraph is for ME. I am the queen of 21 questions. Had to learn the hard way though o_O )

As women, our worst enemy can be our imagination. We text him, he doesn't text back, we automatically play the 'assuming game'. We think just because we send a 6part text and he sends back 'ok' that he's just not into us or that he is dismissing our concerns. Many times a man has a million things running through his head and he's just trying to keep it all together. Men don't always want to show that they feel like they are losing control. They want us to be secure in the fact they are simply 'THE MAN'. But of course, we like to know all the details so we pry and pry until we think we are getting the answers we want.

Honestly, the best way to deal with communicating with a man is to listen to him when he talks. Every man has their own unique way of processing stress and dealing with conflict. Just because there is a 10min lapse between texts or a missed phone call or 2 doesn't mean your relationship is in the red. He might actually be doing something that requires more of him at the moment. I know it's hard to believe that something is more important than the texts you've sent him saying, "Babe, are you watching Oprah", or "Did you see CSI, wasn't that crazy?" or "Wait, your favorite color is blue right?". *side eye* Calm down, don't get pissed from a simple unanswered text. It might not be what you think. Just wait before you unleash the dragon. ( I currently have one more latch on the cage of my own personal dragon, pray for

All in all...its important to love a man through his growing pains. The grander scheme of things is for you to learn more about yourself. You should walk away from every relationship with a newer understand of who you are. Whether he is your 'forever' or your 'for right now', you must allow life to takes it course and enjoy the ride. Stop stressing over what you can't control and spend time on building something solid. Truth to the matter is, if its meant, its meant. Nothing can change that. God has a way of revealing things to you. Don't disguise insecurity with 'women's intuition. God doesn't operate in confusion and wants the best for each of us.

So relax, and let love have it's way. Stop looking at the clock and the other people around you. Things will happen as they are supposed to. It's obvious that God has it all under control anyway. :O)

Looking at things for what they are and not what they seem...


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