When you change the way you look at things, you transform what you see.
As you all have journeyed with me this year, you have certainly experienced my life's up and downs right alongside me. What I've realized, every moment I've experience had an adverse effect on me when I chose for it to. And each moment got better because I chose to get up from being pushed down. Every life's trials and triumphs I went through, I had to change the way I viewed things. The moment I did, things began to change right before my eyes.
When I decided to leave my other job, I really had no real plan in mind. I just knew it was no longer where I needed to be. I knew I would miss my students and my freedom, but I just couldn't sit idle and let the foolishness happen around me. I finally got the guts to let it go and then I was left with all this time on my hands. Initially I was like, 'omg, I am such a waste right now, I need to be at somebody's job. I am not doing anything with my life!'. I used to sulk and complain about having so much time on my hands instead of looking at my free time as moments to dream. When I started to realize that God wanted to isolate me to dream, I began to cherish my quiet moments. This was during the time where my dad was still alive, so I was able to be with him for hours on end to laugh, talk, and run errands. The time that I thought was just idle, ended up being the last few moments I would be able to share with him. Those alledged idle moments ended up being moments I would never see again. Moments in my life that would last forever.
I was able to collaborate with friends of mine to open a foundation, I traveled more than I ever have. I was able to devote more time to family, to God. I was even able become a little more creative. God allowed me to view my idle moments as moments of clarity and freedom. The very moments I thought were holding me back, were moments that I was able to fly. I just had to change my view of them. Those same moments ended up being the stepping stones for my next level. The one I am entering now.
The moment I changed the way I looked at things, the moment the things began to change.
I think about my current job opportunities and partnerships that I've formed and I simply sit in amazement. God knew that I needed some time to regroup and re-dream because life would be moving at the speed of light. God knew that if I didn't take a moment to get closer to Him and truly define who I was, I would eventually crash. And Lord knows, I needed a break. He knew that if He didn't make it happen, there was no way that it would of happened.
I think about the past few men that have truly held my heart captive. EVERY single one of them have been in a different state. And I'm not talking about 50-100 miles away, I'm talking at least 500 miles away. I'm like, 'God, for real?' Whhhhhhhhhhy does every boo end up being millions of miles away? The answer is always simple 'To focus'. I'm like, whaaaaaaaaat? Am I not focused enough already Lord? Lol. I literally can hear God laughing. He knows that if the opportunity presented itself often enough, this whole abstinence thing would be an even tougher torch to carry so he HAS to keep the boo at a distance for a while.
I've always prayed for a quick work when it came to love and eventually marriage, so the time it will take for us to fall in love and make a solid effort will NOT take very long. ( It better not, I'm about to COMBUST!! lol) God is going to make it fall into place like a perfectly shaped set of puzzle pieces. I'm not even concerned. In the meantime, God is showing me who I am to be and who I don't need to be. I am learning more about my potential mate, his true motives, and what kind of heart he has. The whole 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' belief has a lot of validity to it. Every time we see each other, we value the moments more. Every phone call means a lot. Every mode of communication is utilized. It has forced both of us to decide if this is something we both truly want. Instead of viewing a long distance relationship as a chore, God has allowed me to view it as a blessing on hold. Kind of like a gift under the Christmas tree. I know what I want, I've asked for it, I'm almost sure I got it, and I'm literally looking at it under the tree, but its for an appointed time. In due season, the unveiling shall take place. If its what God has promised, every moment I wait, it is only going to get greater.
I've had to change my perspective on so many things. Especially with losing my dad. I've tried to find the silver lining so many times that my head spins. The one thing that I can truly say, is that I know he was able to claim his kingly rewards in heaven. No longer does he have to put up with the lies and wicked ways of this world. He can truly be at a place where peace resonates and joy is the way of life. Everything he deserved, he finally received. I can still feel his presence here on earth. He finds me in my dreams to tell me stuff and I even sense him when I go through my day. I know he left a lot of his spirit in me to continue his work on earth. Sometimes the mantle gets heavy, but someone has to do it right? I don't look at his death as a tragedy, just the timing, but who am I to question it.
There is never a perfect time to say goodbye forever, so that's why God controls that.I've really come to grips with that. I've had to look at it differently to keep my sanity.
I think the most important thing I've learned along this journey is to never underestimate the power of God's favor. While you may think you're sitting idle, God is busying himself to create you something worth your while. I can't be consumed by things I don't know or can't control because I waste valuable moments that I could be living. When its all said and done, I want it to be known that I was obedient and I was faith filled. All the moments that seemed to be out of my control, are those where God was most in control.
I'm just going to keep holding on to what he promised and let the rest fall in place. I just have to look at things differently so they will look differently. The rest has no choice but to get it together. Lol.
Look at it differently and see it differently,