Friday, October 1, 2010

I'm not weak, I'm stronger ....

Man, it's October already. I can not believe time has flown like this. It's almost like someone pressed fast forward on life and it began to move at the speed of light. I have looked back over this year and I KNOW I was supposed to be in some one's mental institute or somewhere being half the person I was destined to be. But, God saw different. Everything that was lodged against me to break me has only made me stronger.

I used to hear old folks say all the time, "What don't kill you will make you stronger," and I used to dismiss it. I always used to think they were speaking in old folk tales as usual and kept it moving. Ooooooh but when March 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm hit, my life would change forever. Losing my daddy was like losing a vital organ. I can't even say the name Michael without tears streaming down my face (yup, I'm crying as I type). People had no idea the things he shared with me up until he suffered that stroke. It was like God was showing him that his time was drawing near. He wanted me to know that I was to carry on his legacy. I look back at all those moments and he was preparing me for some time now. Never would I imagine all those years of being his personal shopper would result in picking his suits for his funeral and memorial services. I literally experienced numerous out of body experiences during this time. This was supposed to be the moment where I said, "Dig a second whole in the ground because I don't know how life will go on." But God saw different. The very man who raised me helped me get through burying him. All the lessons, all the memories, all the laughs, all the good times, they were enough for me to let him go work for me on the other side in Heaven. Day by day, I get strengthened, but it doesn't make his absence any easier to grasp.

It's funny, all the moments where I thought I would break, I got stronger. When I had to walk away from a program that I single handedly built because of the lack of integrity of the organization, I thought I would LOSE it. I really haven't been the same since. To get calls and messages from kids who still need our program breaks my heart. That's how I know I found my purpose. When I know I could of been making twice the amount working somewhere else, I chose to stay at a place where I knew I was needed. Because of my obedience, God covered me. When the organization crumbled, I was so far out of reach, it had zero effect on me.

That's how God would have it. The things that the enemy wants to use to destroy you are the things that God uses to strengthen you. As you go through life, God will allow certain things to happen to you and through you. Don't get so caught up in what the enemy is trying to say that you miss God's lesson and His voice. God has you covered even in your darkest moments. Nothing the enemy can come up with can trump what God can do for you. None of it matters.

The moral of the story is: Use your tears to get stronger! That's the bottom line. Take your moments to grieve, get out your frustrations, voice your concerns, then press your way. I promise you, I can be in the middle of praying and helping someone else and I can just burst out into tears. Not because I am still suffering, but because I am still human. I miss my daddy more and more as the days go by, but I am not going to let that keep me from making it to the next level. More than anything, I want to be an example of what God can do for you in the midst of the storm. So when I win the lottery, get this PhD, have a wonderful wedding, have this beautiful set of twins, and drive off the lot with a Porsche Cayenne, everyone will know it was GOD and Him alone.

Mark my words, my story has yet to be told. Even within the next 7 days, I will have a praise report that will land me on Oprah. I just had to put it all in writing to let you all know.

Now let the weak say I am strong!

Stronger with each struggle....


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