Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I've been Hit, But Not Leaving the Ring

I've been knocked down so many times this year, but I refuse to leave the ring. Leave a job where I was content- POW! At war with inner self- BAM! My love life becomes so tumultuous I should be on a lifetime movie or a Tyler Perry play- POW! Dad Dies......-flat line-... KABOOM! There are other things that only God knows about, but man, this has been a heck of a year. I just refuse to throw in the towel, l refuse to leave the ring. And for that, I am a champion, whether I win every battle or not.

I sat in the bed this morning with tears in my eyes, wondering why God continues to allow me to endure such hardships and trials and why it seemed like there was always a battle. I was like God, "when will the playing field be level? when will the struggle be over? When God?" And I could literally feel God smiling. Like he was saying, "If only you could see what I see in your future. If only you could see what the end is going to be." Every experience that I've triumphed over, I have become stronger. I have become a different person, better than before.

When I was little, I used to try to imagine what it would be like to lose a parent and I would immediately think I would just crumble, that I wouldn't survive it. But you know what, my daddy left such a legacy in me, that I can't cry out of sadness, just out of missing one of my best friends. I know that what he has instilled in me is so great, that even my children will shine with his same light.

You see, when you are built for battle and equipped for victory, nothing or no one can get in the way. Not even yourself. Even when I get in the way of who I'm supposed to be, God quickly does some rearranging. I sit back like, "how did I get here? where do I go from here? God what are you saying." And within moments, I am made whole. It's amazing.

Even with tears in my eyes right now, I am overjoyed at things to come. I woke up this morning with such a spirit of expectancy, even with all that I have experienced over these past few weeks and there was a knock at the door. Fed Ex delivered a package from a new friend. In this package was the most beautiful painting I have seen. He wanted to send a thank you for merely being a blessing to his life. All I could do was look up to the heavens and give God a high 5.

When you allow yourself to see yourself already out of a situation, you will gradually transition from the one that you are in. Plllllllllllllllease believe me that is easier said than done. I am definitely a witness to that. This year has literally been a blurr. I go to sleep in prayer and wake up in it. Praying for a breakthrough and hoping for something different. The truth is, if you stay in a state of constant expectation, you will see that your prayers are being answered in small ways daily. You need only hold on to what God has told you.

As I stay in this "ring" called life and fight this good fight, I know that I am already victorious regardless of what the score is looking like. I am merely in awe of what God is doing with my life. And this is only the beginning.

Staying in the ring and expecting more.....


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