Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Ode to 2010: Post 2 of 12

Lesson #1: Love

" many people use your name in vain...." -Musiq

Sigh….. love…. I guess I had to get this section out of the way early so I would just get it all out of my psyche. I remember watching Dave Chappelle numerous times and my favorite episode was when Rick James said, “Cocaine is a hell of a drug.” Well, I am here to add to that list, love is a hell of a drug. Lol.

While I am one of those quintessential dreamers when it comes to love and the pursuit of happiness, I always try to remain somewhat realistic. I have dream boards that date back to the 80’s. I have always had this image of a knight in shining armor to rescue me from my reality and woo me away to our own little world. Every man I meet I’m like, “Ok…is this it God? Show me a sign! What’s next?” (Always doing waaaaaaay too much… lol)

Love is a tricky thing. While someone is ready to love, they have to be ready to love you. I have learned that love is not a forced emotion; it is one that comes effortlessly. You can’t make someone love you if they don’t have the capacity to love you. While I know an individual has the capacity to love, they may not be capable of loving me in the capacity in which I need them to. This thought gives me the comfort that I need to move from situation to situation. I take each love, like, and lust as lessons, some more or less intense as the next. More importantly, I hold on to the lesson, but not the person. This is essential to protect my total being and who I’m destined to be. You can’t allow a situation to redefine all that God has created you to be. Sure, you are supposed to be a little different from each experience because you have garnered a new level of understanding and a new way of thinking, but never are you to change who God intended for you to be. After every tear dried, I realized that when I looked in the mirror, I saw the same aura of greatness. With tear filled eyes, I used to ask God why, how, when, where, what, and He merely said, “Soon”. With that, I love forward in pursuit of Him and I know somewhere along the way I will find what I’m looking for in life and I will be found for someone who has been searching for me all of his.

This year, I have met and dated some incredible men. While most of them were out of town, I have been so blessed to meet such incredible human beings. No matter how the situations ended up, I thank God for the glimpse of my final product. I didn’t think a man existed that could laugh at the same silly jokes, loved the same soul stirring music, loved his family to the end of the earth, knew what I was saying when all I was doing was crying, and could give strength merely through a touch. Yeah, this man is actually real. Why am I not with him right now you ask? Well, because out of all that greatness, I know that he is not who God wants me to be with forever. But I do know that he was everything I needed at that very moment in life. I get tears when I think about the genuine spirit of this man. He flew down to be with me in one of the hardest moments in my entire life. I will love him forever for that. He knows who he is.

When I let him go, I met an incredible man on my same journey to be all that God wants me to be. While it seemed to fit like a perfect puzzle, it still didn’t flow seamlessly. I am not ruling it out, but I am not willing to lose my mind about it. At the end of the day I am me and no one else can be. The same goes for every individual. While we are all great alone, we are magnificent when we are partnered with who God has destined for us. My perspective is that if God can send me one wonderful man after the next, surely the next can be just a magnificent. I have retired from mind reading and second guessing. When God shows or tells me something I move in that direction, and that direction only. This is sometimes hard to decipher from my female intuition and silly insecurities, but I have to constantly be in prayer.

I am very candid about my accounts because I want people to know that every situation and person is meant to push us closer to our final product. Sure I want to hold on to the “one” I thought was my ideal mate, but for whatever reason, it didn’t work. When things don’t work or find a way to fizzle out, I leave it alone. I cry about it, get mad about it, scream about it, but have to move on. If I have learned nothing more this year, I have learned not to stay in one place for too long. This is essential when loving. Love is such an encompassing emotion it can derail your course to excellence if you don’t move in wisdom. You have to be careful who you love and how you love. You can love with your total being and realized that you a) have nothing left for yourself and b) you are giving away more love than they are even willing to give back to you. Even through my disappointments in love, I have decided that I’m going to release it all into the atmosphere. If it’s meant, then it’s meant. I used to hate that saying because I felt like it was a lazy way to view what you know you want. God showed me that it is essential to let go of what you THINK you want so you can ultimately get what is promised. Don’t get me wrong, I dream and have preferences, but I am still open to what God has. I have to be open in order to make it to my final destination.

Still loving freely,


1 comment:

Aylin said...

Me and Monique had a conversation about love several times, and there is a book on mastering it that I wanted her to read. It's more about yourself than the other partner. This post made me think of this chapter in the book. Just a snippit:

Imagine having a magical kitchen always full of food. You never have to leave your kitchen because with abundance you always have more than enough food to eat. You have so much food that it pleasures you to share your food from this magical kitchen with others.

Now imagine a man coming to your door with a pizza, and he tells you that he will give you that pizza if you allow him to control you. He tells you that as long as you let him control you, he will always bring you pizza. Naturally, you’re going to think this person is foolish if he thinks that you’re going to let him control you. You have a magical kitchen with everlasting food. There’s no way you need his pizza.

Now imagine if you didn’t have that kitchen. You are starving. Then a guy comes to your door with a pizza in exchange of him controlling you. You’re going to take that pizza because you have nothing to eat.


Luckily you are not starving because the magical kitchen is in your heart. You already have all of the love you need in your heart. Love yourself. There’s no need to beg anyone for love. Depending on love from someone is what enables them to control you and vice versa.

We think we are searching for love, instead we are searching for “someone who needs me … someone we can control and manipulate.”

Don’t be selfish. Be selfless. “Selfishness comes from poverty in the heart, from the belief that love is not abundant.”