Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Ode to 2010: Post 11 of 12

Lesson #10: Art of Letting Go

Letting go is one of the hardest lessons in life, but the most essential. -Me

There is great power in letting go. I think this is the most powerful lesson I had to learn totally against my will. I am often and transported back to March 12, 2010 at 3:50 pm at Emory University Hospital. This is where I witnessed my very best friend, prayer partner, spiritual father, laughing buddy, role model and father, be zipped up into a huge white Ziploc bag and shipped off to the morgue. (I have to be vivid because this paints my reality.) I stood there and watched this as an out of body experience. This moment was one that I dreaded all my life, but God saw fit for it to happen as a 27 year old woman a journey. I stood there and realized that all the memories I had were all the ones that I will ever have. I realized that all the stories, sermons, and pointers I would get to be a wife had already been given. I realized that transfer of favor was now a final transaction. I realized that his dreams were now mine to spread to the masses. I realized that I was no longer daddy’s girl, I was daddy’s woman. I had to realize that everything I was taught from 1982 would count in this very moment. I just stood there as God began to whisper in my ear, “Let go Mel, the time is now.” I had to turn around to look to see who else was in the room. I could feel my father’s spirit in the air. It was no longer in that white bag. That was just his peanut butter colored space suit (as he would call it). Man. This was the moment he prepared me for.

In that very poignant moment in my life, not one tear fell. I was still in somewhat of shock. I went through the motions of planning his funeral, picking out his 3 suits, calling all his friends, setting up accounts, choosing our wardrobe for all the services, coordinating with all the churches & funeral homes, cleaning out his car, and ironing out all the details for our new life. You name it, I did it effortlessly, still with no tears. This was probably one of the most defining moments in my life. This is where I knew God can give you the strength when you need it. I had to realize that daddy’s woman now had a lot of things to take care of. I had to let go of him on this side so he could get to kingdom business.

My life now is one that is not filled with a lot of rhetoric and foolishness. If I say it, I mean it. If I want it, I get it. If I love you, I love you for life. If I need a moment, I take it. If I believe it, God will make sure I receive it. If I need it, I already know it will be taken care of. I have let go of what I think normalcy is required to be. While I desire those rose colored glasses to view life from, I have chosen to put on the amour of the Lord and look towards the bigger picture. I am going to use every gift to the fullest extent, go on every trip, and live life to the edges of the earth. I am not afraid to love 100 times over. I have let go of what people have thought of me and (re) convinced myself of all that I have been destined to be. I have let go of the alleged singular path to greatness. I have let go of the idiosyncrasies of mediocrity and complacency. I have let go of the disappointments of love lost and love that still remained in my hand & heart. I have had to let it all go.

I now understand why eagles take their young to the highest peak to learn how to fly. Even if they fall short, they are still above so many others. I get it now. I see why my parents did all they did. I get it. I know why daddy transferred his anointing to me, why he gave me all of his passwords, why he constantly wanted to make everything a teaching moment, why he made me VP of his companies, why he shared all his dreams with me. He wanted me to fly….on my own. He took me to the highest peak and prepared me to fly. When I look up in the sky, I can see two huge peanut butter colored thumbs up and his saying, “That’s it baby girl”. That’s all I really need anyway.
Letting it all go so I can get what I need next,

1 comment:

Aylin said...

Profound. Never did I read or hear anyone use the phrase "letting go" so deeply. Letting go or forgiving minor situations is a step. Letting go is a burden lifted off any woman's/man's shoulders. But to let go of something so powerful that usual brings people to their knees.... Speaks volumes. You have so much spirit and strength, it's defining even for me.