Monday, April 12, 2010

Gone too soon.... On whose watch?

Disclaimer: Yeah, I know I am on this death/life talk a lot, but this is what happens when someone so critical to you leaves the earth. This is my way of healing, and plus, it's my blog, I can write about what I want.... so anyhoo, here is it...

I was talking to some of dad's friends the other day and they are still so very broke up. Saying daddy was "gone too soon", that he didn't deserve to die, and that they didn't know how they were going to be able to move on without him. I was like, "That was MY daddy, and I'm not saying any of those things, why are yall so broken?" So many things came to mind during these conversations. Did daddy get a glimpse of heaven and decide not to come back? Did he talk to God prior? Did he want to leave earth for paradise? Did he know?

All these questions have been answered through dreams, conversations with God and reading the word. You see, we are so caught up with our earthly assignments that we forget that we are merely on loan from heaven. Our eternal destinations. While we are all puzzled about the timing of dad's earthly departure, his expiration date had come up. It was merely his time to go back to his maker. It is the craziest thing, but its the only solace that I find in daddy being gone. He gets to go to a place that we can merely dream of. Imagine a place you envision as paradise times 1 million? Wouldn't that be incredible? Well, I think daddy saw that and threw up the "deuces" to us earthly folk.

I have been in a state of worship lately and in that time, I can literally feel the presence of my father. In the midst of my hands lifted up, I can feel,smell, and almost reach out and touch my dad. Yeah, it sounds weird, but its true. That's how I know he made it in. In the midst of praising God, I can feel my dad's spirit, which is what he exists as now. "To be absent from the body is to be in the presence of the Lord. " I used to hear people say that all the time, but honey, it' s real. God is so good. I can only imagine the great work daddy is doing up there. God must have some MAJOR stuff going up there he had to call home one of his generals to take up a new mantle.

That is why I can't be totally mad about him leaving to go be with God. My timing and God's timing are totally different. Where I watch the clock, God makes the clock tick. While I am flipping through a calendar, God allows the days and months to come and go. To gain understanding of why people leave earth too soon is really a way for God to urge us to get closer to him. In seeking answers, we merely need to seek his face.

The reason I cry is because I will forever miss the presence of my daddy. I can't hide that fact or that pain. But I know, in God's timing, will come healing and understanding. In the meantime, I will continue to press forward and be the woman I was ordained and set aside to be.

I miss you daddy, but I know you are in heaven sending some "hook-ups" my way.

In love and understanding,



Saji Oommen said...

Am very sorry about you present state. It was really touching to read your article. My father passed away when I was in school...Take care

N Nicole said...

Reading your posts are soooo encouraging. I don't know what its like to loose a father but you speak so highly of him. Death has a way of bringing LIFE into perspective and everyday I strive to live a life so that when my time here is over he can say to me, well done good and faithful servant. Keep writing! and remember God is close to those that mourn and he gives strength to the broken hearted.

Louvenia A. said...

Hello. I am not a person who likes to surf the net, participate in blogs or social networking sites; rather use the net as a research tool. However, I always knew that God has a divine calling and work for me to do that is going to impact the masses. A few months ago i felt a strong tugging in my spirit that it would soon be time for me start the foundation of a fruitful business. Without any investment capital, I began to write the vision and I was certain that all the things I needed would come, so I never worried about how I was going to get this business off the ground. But let me tell you something, although I knew this, I did not nurture my relationship with God. I continued to walk in disobedience as it pertained to a certain situation that I was urged to walk away from but lacked the courage and strength to fight the temptations due to lack of obedience to God's instruction. It was almost like I hardened my heart to God's will and commandment. Nevertheless, out of the will, yet a beautiful baby girl i gave birth to on March 3, 2010. I prayed for God to have his hand on our health and the birthing process. We made it through amazingly without complications and great health. Although I knew of the tugging of my spirit between the Holy Spirit and my flesh, I lacked to courage and faith to obey because of fear and avoiding emotional pain. So I said "Lord, i know whats going on in the spirit but I am just not ready to serve you yet." I spoke those exact words from my mouth one day as i meditated on my life. So I heard the Lord say "what is it gonna take for you to obey me? Do i have to take your mother?" I shook my head and ignored the thought, and said to myself, "my mother is a good a faithful servant, and honored her parents. I've prayed for God to allow my mother and father to live long healthy lives. Therefore, thats just not gonna happen. She's not goin anywhere. I dont know what you gotta do for me to serve you Lord but dont take my mother, and im just not ready right now." Well, on May 12, 2010 the lord took my mother in her sleep. She was healthy. I know that shes in heaven and I have totally turned my commitment over to God since then. Now that I am walking in purpose and obedience, God is opening doors that i would have never imagined and my business is about to fly. Through doing some research for my business, somehow, it was divine, the name of your blogspot popped up and i thought it was the most amazing title ever! so out of curiosity, i clicked on the title, thinking that it was a fashion website and here i am. This was all God's doing. It was meant for me to end up here for such a time as this in my life. It to has been an exact 1 month since the passing of my mother. God has truly smiled on you and allowed your site to be here for someone like it at the present moment in my life. God is blessing you and he will continue to do so. When i read the line about your dad doing some hook-ups for you in heaven, i cried and felt the fire of the Holy Ghost in my spirit. I had goosebumps all over my skin and chills flowing through my body. I cried and knew instantly that that is exactly what my mom is doing for me. Love you as a sister in Christ God Bless!

Nishant said...

Reading your posts are soooo encouraging.
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