Saturday, March 27, 2010

Rest in Peace Big Poppa: Daddy Died So That I May Live




Well, I guess everyone has been wondering where I have been and what's been up. Well, long story short, my father passed on March 12, 2010 at 3:42 pm. My life has been changed forever. I lost my best friend, my teacher, my pastor, my prayer partner, and my daddy. Forever. Words cannot express the amount of emotions that I have experienced during this time. From sadness to despair to depression to frustration and even anger. I've asked God 1,000 times why. I even asked dad why. No answer came. All I can do is keep living.





So, dad's death has taught me 3 things.....

- Reflect

- Move Forward

- To live....



Journey with me for a moment.



In reflecting, Ive realized so many things: What I once had and what I know how to do. What Ive learned. What Ive remembered. What I now possess. What I must perfect.

I now look back on all my dad has taught me and realize that Ive somehow captured it all. I can vividly remember the talks we've had, the late night drives we've taken and the lessons he has taught me. In remembering who my dad was, I know who I must become. Attending his memorial services, hearing what people had to say about him, and reading all that was written, I was in the presence of greatness for 27 years. For that, I praise the most High. I am eternally grateful.



As I look back over my own life, I have reevaluated what I spend time on and with who. As we race against this clock called life, we cannot spend precious moments on trivial people and things. We must make conscious decisions to be who God has called us to be. No longer is it ok to waste time on things that don't bring us closer to our destiny and to God. When your number is called, what do you want to be caught doing? Reflect on that.



Funny how it takes death for us to live......



Secondly, I've learned that you must move on... From people, things, hurts, pains, places of confusion, all of that. Time is not given to be wasted. I look back on what is considered to be Daddy's last days and all I can remember him saying is, "Baby girl, don't let those people rent space in your head, you're too valuable to the kingdom for that." That makes so much sense. Many times our breakthroughs come from letting go. How can God fill our hands with anything new when we are still holding on to the old stuff?
Death hasn't served as an epihpany for me, but merely as a reminder.........

We can't keep expecting a breakthrough when we refuse to let things go. Since about January, my dad would pick up the phone and call random people in his phone book. He would call them to encourage them, speak into their lives, pray with them, and get things right. The moment he did that, his speaking calendar began to fill up, people began to sow into his life, he began to feel better than he had in years. All because he chose to surrender to God's will and bless others. Letting things go gave him freedom. Gave him life. I'm trying to do the same. Trying.

Just because I want to transform, doesn't mean it will happen over night. Change is a process that I must actively pursue and participate in.

I look at the people that did daddy wrong. (I've even confronted a few... so what... lol). Lied to him. Mistreated him. Gave him broken promises. You name it. And I have to manage to let it all go. The funeral was my true test. I think I probably got a B-. I'm still a work in progress. I have to let it go. I know, I know. For daddy's sake and for my own breakthrough. I have to be honest, this is tough. Somewhere along the way, I have to leave it right there along the way. Just not worth carrying. The weight of carrying on a legacy is far more than enough on its own. So I must keep moving. You only add value to a negative person/situation/memory by holding on to it. It's almost like they won if you do. But if you release it, guess what? You WIN!


Lastly, daddy died so that we, his girls, could live. He showed us that within the years you've been given, you have to end each day on zero. Which means you've given 1000% to the day. No matter what was thrown dad's way, he always gave God the glory. He knew that at the end of the day, God would have the final say. Dad found a way to make every experience a teaching point. He believed what you didn't have in money/influence, God would double in favor. And he lived his life that way every day. He didn't just talk about being saved, he WAS saved. He did it. He didn't just teach us how to make a marriage work, he showed us. He didn't just teach us how to live out our dreams, he showed us by doing it himself. You see, dad lived to the point where each day had its own story. He showed us what living was. So even in his death, he's forcing us to live. When you get a glimpse of that invisible clock on the wall and you begin to hear the faint "tick-tock", you know that this thing called life is no longer game. At least not a game that you should plan on losing.


I think, all in all, I will never, ever forget my very best friend. My daddy. All that's he's taught me, all that he's shown me, all the prayers he's prayed over me, the dreams he had for me, his encouraging smile, and his legacy that I must press forward to carry. Most of all, I will cherish all that he has taught me just by living. Even the last day I talked to him he asked me if I had enough faith to believe God for a massive miracle. I said yes, and he told me that it's already been done, God was just waiting on me. That was the last time we would ever speak. On February 26, 2010 at 2:38 pm, my dad suffered a major stroke, and was never the Michael Anthony Mitchell I knew. He came back for a moment at the hospital, looked in my eyes, and I saw his spirit go back towards the heavens. Right then I knew that was it. My daddy had handed over his mantle and it was time to be a big girl. I will never be the same. Man **pause** I am still living as if I will wake up and my life would be different. That daddy would still be here. Im in total disbelief that I won't hear my name being hollered across the house. Or that I will never get an encouraging text from him. Or that I will never get a huge bear hug. Or that I won't have my best friend to walk me down the aisle. Wheeew, I just can't believe it.


But, reality is what it is and daddy would want me to rise up like a Spartan and continue carrying on the legacy he's already made. my mantle feels heavy, but he knew I would be able to carry it. Now I have two fathers looking down on me.
Lights! Camera! Action! Time to truly live, because daddy died. Time to do the things he has instructed and the things he desired to do. All I can do is live.....


-Mel




4 comments:

Mr Ender said...

Beautiful post. I will be sure to take heed and make sure I "Live"
again so sorry for your loss...
Gonna take this time to catch up and read your other blogs too ;-)

Marcy said...

Wow.. No words to say but WOW.. Truly an encouraging post. I can't even imagine what your going through but I applaud your strength and I know you will carry on your father's legacy and continue to make him proud! May God continue to bless you and your family.

"Haute Girl" said...

My thoughts & prayers r with your family...so sorry to hear...time will heal u...I too lost my Dad & we were close...I admire your strength & courage...BE BLESSED!

Alycia's Hot Spot! said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mother 07/04/2009. So much of what you are speaking I can relate to. I am amaze at the people that still come up to me and tell me how my mom offered them a word of encouragement, assisted them in any way she could, as well as offering financial help. I find my strength in dealing with the loss of my mother by reflecting on stories others share with me about the goodness she showed to them. Be encouraged my sister, please reflect how your Dad touched and impacted so many lives. I pray you find your strength in those memories.