In searching for my next “big thing” in life, I have been redefining my happy. One of the hardest things to do, but the most necessary.
In life, we experience a myriad of things that truly help define who we are. We learn the things that make us happy, sad, angry, and indifferent. Life gives us things that we may or may not be able to change, but we can control how we react to it all. I sit back and remember my 2010 and realize that God allowed me to become greater than ever before. Never would I have imagined facing some of the trials that I have, but certainly, I have become a better version of myself.
I have slowly learned how to process each crisis I am faced with and try to walk away with a lesson. Don’t get me wrong, it is NEVER easy to press through a tough situation. I probably cry just about every day, but I dry my tears and get to the next moment. I don’t ever sugarcoat how I feel. While I don’t take my frustrations out on others, I am very transparent about the emotions I am experiencing. I think when you’re honest with true friends, they can help you walk through it. Many people may not understand your journey, but it is ok. God knows you better than anyone. I always take at least 30 minutes to an hour to spend alone with God. Whether it’s through worshipping or reading the word, I always make an effort to be ministered to. Intimate moments with Him fill you in ways you can never imagine. Many times, all you need is a quiet moment to recharge.
Today I had the opportunity to speak to about 300 kids about bullying, following their dreams, and helping them to define their passions in life. As I stood on stage, I literally had an out of body experience. I have spoken to youth for many years, so this was no new thing for me. Something about this day was very unique. I simply was not by myself up there. I felt the presence of God and my earthly father all at once. It hit me! This is where I am supposed to be. This is where it all came together. This is what God wants me to keep doing. Everything I had experienced up until this very moment prepared me for the stage. God’s ultimate goal was to prepare me to push others to their places of excellence.
My dad would always urge me to accompany him to his speaking engagements, made me read certain books, and even gave me scriptural assignments. I would fight it all tooth and nail. As I stood on the stage, like so many times before, I realized that I was being prepared to be the same motivator as my father. Simply amazing! There is no greater moment than when you experience purpose live and in action. Better than that, there is no greater moment than when you feel close to someone you will never see again. For some reason, I felt him when I began to engage with the youth. The very same man that I weep over losing is the one that pushes me to excellence while I am on the stage. I knew the moment I put my hand on the mic, my father had his hand on my shoulder and my Heavenly Father was covering us both.
The loss of him propelled me to gain a greater understanding of who I am in Christ and in the world. I possessed my father’s humor and wit while channeling the intellect and insight my mother continues to instill in me. In that very moment today on stage, I felt at home. Because I was operating in my divine assignment, I had no free moments to weep because I working. I knew in that very moment that if I wanted my tears to stop falling, I had to continue to keep operating in purpose.
I have learned that in every life defining moment, there is a hidden opportunity. God employs unconventional methods to push us towards who He desires for us to be. He wants us to be great not matter what! Just because you feel lost, it doesn’t mean you can’t be found. God allows life’s defining movements to evoke: Visions... inspirations… opportunities… Sometimes it takes getting knocked off track to get you right back on track. What you need, you sow. If you need inspiration, be the one to sow it. It may be your destiny to push someone to theirs. That is my purpose, I am sure of it. God wants me to push others to higher heights while He is further cultivating me for the Kingdom.
While I am still healing and learning I am continuously seeking God. I know that I will not be the first person to feel lost or to lose a loved one. I refuse to let my pain serve as my “crutch’, it will act as my catalyst instead. I will be propelled further into my destiny by my defining moments. God will never take you to a place that He cannot dwell in. I know that I will always be covered no matter what I experience. So I take everything that I have experienced up until this very moment and I use it to bless others. I know that God is the ultimate author and finisher of my story so I will continue to let Him write it. It simply has to get better….He promised so.
Redefining my happy while allowing God to redefine who I am….