Ode to 2010: Post 6 of 12

Lesson #5: Friends & Family



You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu



Sometimes our hearts get tangled. And our souls a little off-kilter. Friends and family can set us right. And help guide us back to the light.~Sera Christann


Let me just tell you there is nothing more important than the people God has connected you to. I can really say that after the year I’ve had, that if it had not been for my friends & family, I would be on serious meds and/or in an institute. The late night prayer meetings, skype chats, texts, FB messages, tweets, phone calls, they made all the difference in my surviving this tumultuous journey.


My (immediate) family is comprised of some of the most incredible women I know. My mom, my 2 sisters, and my god mom Ana. I think about the year we have had and I am simply amazed at how we managed to survive this year’s course of events. Aside from my dad passing, we have REALLY faced some challenges this year, things that I cannot even blog about. In areas of love, health, finances, battles of the mind, jobs, relationships, you name it. We have faced SO much this year and came out like pure gold.


I thank God for my mother, I really do. *cue the tears falling* I cannot think of a more incredible woman of God. A woman who single handedly planned her husband funeral from a laptop in the hospital waiting room while the breathing machine was being unplugged. A woman who made sure her husband was buried like a king amongst family, friends, and foes who gave little or no support. A woman who stood in all white to salute her husband being placed into a marble wall. A woman who has kept the faith in the midst of her greatest storms. A woman who has lived day to day believing God despite what it has looked like or how she felt. A woman who has shown herself strong in the midst of wanting to lay in bed all day to mourn the loss of her best friend. To the woman who has shown me that God is real. My mother. I cannot even fully describe in words what it has been to witness my mother persevere through these past 3 years. Before my dad passed it has been a journey. From leaving a six figure job, to moving to a foreign city, to fighting for what she knows is right, to transitioning to a life of retirement, to making major financial decisions on pure faith, to waking up every morning in pure expectation. Nothing has been more rewarding than seeing my mother laugh or smile. It has been a year of the unexpected, but my mother has done nothing but expect the absolute best from God. When I look at her, her journey, her story, her courage, I know God is real.


My sisters have really stood strong. My baby sis has shown me that my efforts have not been in vain. From winning queen of her school, to passing critical tests with flying colors, to making smart choices, to not succumbing to peer pressure, to facing tough challenges with a smile, to watching our daddy go in that marble wall, she’s become such a big girl this year and I am so very, very proud. My middle baby sis has shown that she is not interested in anything but greatness. From vindicating the Mitchell name, to carving her own path, to making sure she keeps our fabulous legacy alive on campus, to dreaming without measure, to understand her purpose, to not allowing the way people treat her dictate who she is to become, she has evolved and I am proud. Nothing has been more rewarding than watching my sisters blossom into incredible little women. I am so blessed to have built in BFFs and riding partners. It’s amazing how we’ve grown up to become such great friends and closer than ever.



Anyone who knows me knows that my family is my core. It is all that I have. I have gotten closer to one of my favorite cousins in the entire world. It’s sad that it takes someone dying for you to get close (or closer) to your family, but it is essential. What amazes me is how family traits and history always seem to flow throughout your family lineage. It is important to know your family’s plight so you don’t repeat the same unnecessary steps. I am grateful for the way things have transpired. When I look at the people I am NOT close within my family, I am not even hurt or disappointed. God just showed me that there will be less people with their hands out when I become a millionaire and very few can take credit.


Sigh….. my friends. What an incredible set of friends I have been given. Whether I have known a person a lifetime or a short time, I have grown to love and know some truly wonderful people. When I faced my greatest challenge this year, I made one phone call and my girl was at my house within moments to cook for my entire family, no questions asked. You would have thought we were having a birthday party. I hadn’t even realized that we were in the midst of planning a funeral because the house was filled with so much love. But that’s just it! With every loss of love or a loved one, God always finds a way to fill that void.


I have learned that it is essential to be transparent on your plight to greatness. It is ok to be a little vulnerable. It is ok to show who you are (just enough, not all of you). It is ok to let your mascara run a little. It is ok to cry and get it all out. It is ok to say you’re sad or having a bad day. It is ok to say you miss someone and genuinely mean it. It is ok to say you love someone and not necessarily be in deep, deep love. It is ok to be just who you are. You never know how a small statement of truth will alter someone’s course. I think it is essential to tell it all so you can move forward. I am at the point in my life where I really don’t care what people think or say. If someone one truly wants to be free, they choose to be. I choose to be me, no matter the cost. At the end of the day, someone wants that same freedom and may be looking to you for guidance.
My blog has been my medicine this year. Well, the cyber world in general. I have connected with some incredible people. From love, to friendship, to support, to just a few simple words, people have been amazing. Sometimes it’s ok to let new people in your life. Actually, it is very necessary. I think when you are raw and open about something you think you’re the one only struggling with, someone will come along your journey to let you know you are not alone. You become the beacon of light for someone else who is struggling with the same issue. You would be surprised at the people I have met, loved, and befriended this year. All in the midst of what I thought was the worst year of my life. These people made this year go smooth. Really. I know it is nobody but God to have me meet these people along my journey.



I have made friends overnight. It’s funny. I am not the multiple “BFF” type of person, but I have truly become more open to befriending people. Not to the point where we are all meeting up for coffee and joining the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but enough to say, “hey, so and so is cool”. God has connected me to people through tears not necessarily years. It only takes a moment to connect to a great person. If not only for the moment, the purpose has been served.


Speaking of purpose, you cant over think a person’s purpose in your life, eventually they will show you. I truly mean this. I am currently in the process of trying to determine why God connected me to a certain individual. For as quickly as he fell for me, he has fallen completely off the radar. I have no idea why or how, but it has just fizzled. I ask myself, “God why send a new ‘him’ if he has no intentions of staying”. I have cried about it, tried to talk about, and done thinking about it. I cannot allow something to rent that kind of space in my head because the real estate is entirely too expensive. If he wants to stay, he knows how. The sad thing is, when he comes back to where he left me, I may be in a new location. It’s unfortunate, but it’s real.


If God grants you one opportunity, what makes you think He won’t do it again? If He is the provider, what is provided is trivial to Him. So, to think that love won’t find its way back to you is asinine. Nothing is without purpose and timing in your life. For every great thing you experience, another one is ready to find its way to you. Keep believing and know that the cycle must and will continue.


Loving who God has bonded me to and who He sends my way,

~Mel

Give 'em Something To Talk About

You never know who is rooting for you. Have you ever heard the saying, 'If God be for you, who could be against you?'. Well, I live by that lovely quote. I think about all the people who have essentially spoken against my future. But recently, I've gotten the most random messages from friends all over. 'Girl we're rooting for you', 'You make me want to believe', 'I don't say much, but I'm so happy for you". I realized that we all have silent cheerleaders.

Throughout life, the enemy wants you to think you're all alone and that no one wants to see you do well. That is hardly the case. God always sends someone as a confirmation that there are other people in the world just like you. They too are looking for a new career change. They too are searching for a love that is filled with genuine kindness and reciprocity. They too seek an intimate relationship with God that is unconditional and pure. You see, no matter what you're going through, somebody somewhere is dealing with the same issue.

Through my blog and twitter, I aim to be transparent enough to minister to someone and perhaps change perspectives. I have had to put my pride aside to allow God to minister through me. As a result, God has sent people to confirm that my efforts have not been in vain. One of my associates who I don't talk to that often said, "Girl who is this man I read about. Does he have any friends? I am so happy for you. That's what I'm looking for'. I was like, 'Huh? When did I tell you this?'. She was said, 'Girl, we all read your blog. We may not comment, but we read every one'. It's funny, that day I was wondering if people actually read this blog and how it effected them. God kept telling me to keep writing, someone was being healed.

That really hit me. Imagine all the people that may be sitting court side watching you wait for your breakthrough. Taking notes,somehow trying to determine your secret. Wanting to understand your mindset. Trying to determine how they are going to do the same. Its amazing how God can use your situation to instill hope and deliver others. When you are going through just remember that you're not fighting for just your breakthrough, but that of many others. God is going to make you a pioneer of the sorts and you will be a witness to how God's grace is sufficient.

As I go through life's journey and experience all that it has to offer, I'm not going to be hesitant in sharing my story or my glory because someone is ultimately going to be healed as a result. I pray that I get closer to my breakthrough, I am able to help someone get closer to theirs. No matter what I go through, I know God will get the glory, so I'm confident in my story.

Continuing to give them something to talk about,

~Mel

Battle of the Ex's: We're Not Close Anymore... Are We?

You see I have been on this relationship kick lately. lol. Clearly this has been the topic of discussion for me and many of my girl and guy friends.

Ok, this whole "ex" thing is driving me crazy. With the circle of friends that I am in and was in college, a lot of ex boyfriends and girlfriends have been thrown back into the pool of availability. I have recently, accidentally dipped into this pool. Totally oblivious to the "lineage" of the current boo and a chick I was once cool with in school.

WHO CARES?????? lol. I mean, are we REALLY obligated to never "talk" to each other's ex's when we haven't spoken in literally 5+ years? No right? I didn't think so. With all the use of twitter and facebook, people are acquainted that probably would not otherwise meet or speak. With that being said, people meet people that have no idea know people that are from someone's past.

This has literally happened to me twice. Like, recently. So I am now faced with having to not speak to some chick in my past. Not that we've spoken in the past 5 years, but still, in hopes of not seeming like a low-life, sneaky person, I have to have the uncomfortable conversation of, "Hey, I'm with your ex now, hope it's cool. Even it's not, I'm still kicking it with him. And yes, it's getting serious." I mean, do I owe them that? We were once cool, but haven't spoke in YEARS. Even with all these methods of staying in touch, we chose not to.

I guess I am posing this question (rhetorically) because it is happening to so many people I know (and me obviously...lol). We are able to portray parts of us online that may not have otherwise been noticeable in school or in passing. So now we have the opportunity to connect with people miles & miles away. I guess that's when technology becomes a blessing and a curse huh?

If you just so happen to fall for an ex of a former friend, do what you feel in your heart. Prayerfully it will work itself out. Well, the thing about it is, if God has it ordained for you to be with a certain person, it really doesn't matter how it happens or who it is. He has someone set aside for you. God does not operate in confusion, so all it requires is prayer and an adult conversation. There is never any need to stoop to the level of a person who is not able to handle things maturely.

Besides... all things are fair in love & war...

May the best woman end up with the best man......

-Mel

You can count on me.....

Now, I write this entry today with a full heart. When I started this blog, I simply had no expectations for success, failure, a following, or friends, I was just seeking an outlet and some healing in a sense. When I tell you God had an entirely different plan, as He usually does. I wanted to talk about friends and those God has placed in your life.

"A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there
is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

Anyone who knows me (I know I always say that..so..lol), knows that I am definitely not the "friend" person. When I say that, I mean that I am not always talking about my 50 best friends or always feel the need to have a lot of people around. But lately, I have found myself with a lot of new people in my life that I simply love, cherish, adore, appreciate, all of that. Through all these social networks and the net as a whole, God has began to connect me with people that need me and that I need.

Like, this blog for example. I have had the opportunity to share my life's stories, struggles, and triumphs and garnered some pseudo relationships with "followers". Never in my life would I image speaking into the lives of others, being a blessing, and God using me to cause healing. But that's the thing with God. He uses us as vessels even when we feel like we are purely running on empty. At our worst, God can pull the best out of us. The very thing that we think we are struggling with alone, God can use to get the glory. Never be afraid to be transparent or to share your story. Someone's deliverance is resting in the palm of your hands.

I am not your average party girl at all, but it seems that all the entertainment folk in Atlanta have been drawn to me for some reason. So hey, I go with the flow. My life in October went from tweeting (follow me @herflyness) spiritual quotes and talking about how the youth needs us, to starting a foundation, speaking for celebrity retreats, walking red carpets, and hanging with the "it" folk. All because I chose to be who God wanted me to be and never compromising me. I have found myself speaking into the lives of people who one would think had all the answers.

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

God began to show me that if I don't carry the word on my lips and in my actions, then some may never know him. I think about this past week with one of my client's EP release. I mean, it was literally 2 events everyday for 8 days straight. I only went to events that were deemed of importance to me and my purpose for working with him. The nights I didn't not attend a person got robbed in the parking lot and one of the car loads got in an accident. You see, God will cover you on all fronts of your life. Just because you're not in church, doesn't mean your not ministering or walking with Him. I talked to my client later in the week he said, "You know what Mel, you're good people. It's something different about you." I broke out in a cheesy, "It's the God in Me" rendition. But I meant it. God is just so awesome. He really is.

I used to be mad about being the better friend to people, but I'm over that. When it all boils down to it, I can never be better to people than God has been to me. That's the truth. When my flesh man rears its head, of course I get a little irritated, but I get over it because I know that someone will be blessed and never forget me.

I think about the circle of friends that I've managed to maintain over the years and it brings tears to my eyes (as usual) and warms my heart. To have people that love you like in the scriptures is awesome! To have people who have your back no matter what. To love you unconditionally. To share some of your secrets you want to bury, but have to tell "somebody". Somebody you can believe God with and plan for the future. I mean, you can't buy that in stores.

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes
in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."

Even to my seasonal friends. My new friends. My friends in passing. I praise Him for them all. I think about the people who I have pushed into their destiny, inspired, protected, believed God for, and into their purpose. Man, it's incredible to look back at how God has used me. I am so humbled and honored. If God can allow me to do that for others, imagine what He is working out for me RIGHT now ?

“Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”

Well, before I get my computer soaking wet, I just want to shout out to all my friends: new, old, best, close, cordial, my followers a.k.a. Blog Buddies, mutual etc. It's wonderful being blessed. But it's nothing quite like being a blessing.....

Blessed with the best.....friends...

~Mel

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"We Are All We Got"

Being the eldest of 3 girls has certainly had it's ups and downs over my 27 years, but I've embraced it. For almost 6 years, I was an only child, so I always liked to roll solo. Until my little sisters came. Everything I did, they did. Everything I said, they said. I swear I could do no wrong. I was like their own little super hero. lol. I was all they really had. Now, as an adult, my mom and I are like true BFFs. We suit up in our jogging suits and take Targets by storm, we touch and agree on the family's next breakthrough, and we confide in one another what we believe God has in store for us. I am all she has.

Many times, God allows us to be that "somebody" for people because He knows you can be trusted with their most inner thoughts and secrets. God brings people in your life for you to pour the goodness of Him into. If you think about it, some people in our life may never experience true friendship, love, kindness, and even the glory of God if it were not for us.

I always get mad when I get in a relationship and I'm giving 1000% out of the gate. Everyone is like, "Girl, I don't think he's that into you." Of course, I get super upset and start screaming to the heavens, "Really God, another user and abuser? I'm sick of this." And then I get back to regularly scheduled program. lol. So 2010, rolls around and we all send out the "I love you text, so glad you're in my life, happy new year, blah blah" text and I send it to a few of my homie/lover/friends. Honey, let me tell you, if I could read those texts back to you, you'd be in love. Thank God I am clothed in my right mind. I just stared at my phone and reread the messages at least 100 times a piece. I was like, "No this negro did NOT just say that he ___________". Long story short, he "low-key" professed his love and adoration, but he now realizes that I was a woman of God that he simply wasn't ready for. Talk about a "DUH" moment! lol.

As I proceeded to throw my Blackberry into oblivion, I heard the voice of the Lord say clear as day, "It wasn't about you, it was about me". Again, I'm looking up to heaven trying to figure out what God was working out. God revealed to me that many times He allows us to be better to other people, so one day, someone can be better to us. And it may not even be that person we were good to. It's like a cycle. With what God has placed in us, it is NOT for us. It is for us to share with so many others. Whether its our testimonies, our gifts, our stories, our triumphs, our trials, and even our smile, God wants us to be a little piece of Him in the human form.

I could never understand why I was the better friend or girlfriend and never received reciprocated treatment. It wasn't until I began to make different friends along the way. Many people went above and beyond for me and I couldn't even understand why. In my head I'm saying, "we aren't even friends for real, why is she buying me a gift. I didn't buy her a THING". But God told me to look back at my track record, at all the people I blessed, He said this is the GOOD payback. I began to embrace people being nice to me and knew it was God merely keeping the cycle going.

Until recently, I had totally been neglecting my blog, finding reasons why I was too busy and why I didn't feel like doing it. I promise you, God will not let you sleep until you're obedient. So, anyway, I declared as of January 1st, that I would make a conscious effort to chronicle the new dimension in my life. Let me tell you, God will send a witness, a ram in a bush, and an email/text to let you know that your obedience has not gone unnoticed. In just 10 days, I have received more correspondence from people saying I have blessed them, then I probably ever had. I was truly humbled by God's glory through me.

The moment I began to walk in my true gifting and in true obedience, God began to move mightily in the lives of others. You just don't know the effects of your obedience. Not only does your disobedience hold up your breakthrough, but it may be holding up a series of others'. The moment I made a decision to be a blessing to the masses, the enemy got real upset. I mean, I was being attacked daily. But I refused to curse God and I refused to stop writing.

That's what we have to do. Make a conscious effort to be a blessing to at least one person every single day. It will feed your purpose, prolong your life, and truly make it a better place. The moment we walk in our obedience and gifting, we will unleash God's glory not only on our lives, but in the lives of so many others.

So today my brother and my sister, I bless you. I command the blessings of Abraham upon you. I am blessed because I am blessing you. Now do the same for someone else. At the end of the day, "we are all we got"!

In the most sincere agape love,

~Mel

Be that somebody that someone can lean on and watch God strengthen you in ways you've never seen

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