Don't Lose Sight of Who You Are

October 5, already. 2010. Man. Time waits for no one huh? I swear, 10-15 years ago you could not tell me I wouldn't have been married to the man of my dreams, living in my dream home with a white picket fence, working a perfectly suited job and have 2.5 kids. It's funny, that fantasy world was so real for me for so long that I lost valuable moments that I could of just been 'living' in. I soon realized that I couldn't lose sight of self and I couldn't neglect the journey.

Honey, I abruptly woke up from that dream years ago only to realize life owes me nothing. The man I feel in love with in college turned out to be a mythical character. A story I obviously only believed. My white picket fenced home quickly turned into a room in my parents' lovely chateau. That 'ideal' job turned into a career of service, grant writing, and community activism. And those 2.5 kids turned into kids all over GA and FL needing my mentoring and coaching. At 28, all the things I wanted at 18 seemed to be warped in some type of alternate universe. Boy did I ever get a wake up call!

You see, I'm not saying I stopped dreaming or for you to even stop, but I don't think its necessary for you to throw in the towel on what God promised you. I think in life, it's important to understand the journey. Now, I'm no expert, but I KNOW that its necessary not to resent your path. No matter where it takes you. This has taken a lot for me to realize. I look at all of my contemporaries and what they've achieved and I look at my list of accomplishments and I've realized that we all have had our highlights. As much as I think I'm off course, there is someone that wants my reality. So I've learned to value mine all the more. At this point, it helps me to maintain my sanity. (lol)

I've met so many young professionals that ultimately have all that they desire but may be lacking that ONE thing they deem as the icing on the cake or their sense of 'completion'. Like marriage, a mate, a house, kids, different career, more traveling, etc. In pursuit of that 'ONE' thing they begin to lose sight of self. Who they really are and all that has gotten them to this point. Say for instance a relationship is ALL they want. They will do whatever it takes. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm 100% in when I have a man that I'm into but not at the expense of isolating myself from my family and friends to appease my new suitor. I'm not going to forge this super religious lifestyle to make it appear that I'm different than what I am. I'm not going to totally adapt to ALL of his ideals and abandon my own. And I'm certainly not going to stop being myself because he deems it as needing to 'change'. Sad thing is, I've been there before. I wanted a 'him' so bad that I started to lose me. I really thought if I did all I needed to do to get him, I would be set free. But honey, what a fool I was.

I wasn't fulfilled at work. I wasn't happy with my home buying quest. I was tired of having to be the 'someone' for everyone. Booooooy, did God kick me in the butt. The job I was 'over', turned into one of the most rewarding career tracks. Although the place ended up crumbling because it turned out to be ran by criminals, I truly went home in peace knowing I made a difference. A former student of mine had someone to contact me to tell me I changed his life. And the efforts of buying a home kept failing because God knew I would need to be home to help my mom with the loss of dad. These are tracks in my life that I definitely wouldn't have chosen for myself, but they have all been defining moments. They have all made me better, stronger, and wiser. So, apparently, they were all necessary. God knew all of that on (and before) May 11, 1982.

All in all, when I took of my rose colored glasses, it all made sense. Life is what you make of it. And the 'it' part happens to be all the things you experience. No matter what, your journey is unique to your purpose and it's a part of a bigger picture. No longer am I concerned with what 'seems' right or what I 'want'. I have had to totally abandon all of my idiosyncrasies. All my tantrums and rants about life have long stopped. Who cares what it looks like? Who cares where I am? Who cares who has something to say? It's a reason for it all and I am content (mmm, for the most part.. lol). This doesn't mean I stop pressing towards my goals, it merely means I stop thinking I have it all figured out. Honey, it's obvious I don't. Nothing has to make sense to me. God has total control. All that matters.

So when making my dream boards, dream book, dream collage, dream flash cards, and just plain dreaming, I am not going to be mad when God does what He wants. ( I have clearly had a lot of time on my hands to make all of those.. lol) He is well aware of my desires, but most importantly He knows what I require. I am confident in knowing that I am going to be ok. He is gonna work it out like HE'S BEEN DOING! (<-----one of my favorite things to say...lol)

Looking at the reflection in the mirror and knowing I'm still me :O)

~Mel